Boondox: January 2008

Booner and the penguins now take residence on that side of the bed...

Push. Pull. Break. Repeat.

It's strange when you realize that despite every reason in the world to be a smarter, more guarded, a little bit jaded, bitter, self-preserving bitch... you are still the same old idealistic, naive idiot -- ready and willing to be taken for granted and hurt all over again.

I just can't seem to shake it. I can't seem to escape this internal hope. This prayer and possibility that maybe... just maybe this time... people will treat me the way I treat them. The way I deserve to be treated.

But it doesn't happen. It Never. Fucking. Happens.

And I am left with only one conclusion: I am doomed to be forever damaged, lonely, yet dementedly, self-destructively positive that the next time will be different.

The problem is that on one hand, I hate myself for being this way... but deep down I sort of believe that it's what makes me so damn awesome. A classically suited, double-edged sword. My tragic flaw. Good Lord, do I fancy myself a hero.

... (and a poet).

i flirt with failure
harboring only one true intention:
to drive the procrastination
out of my fingers.

rock bottom, he said
he was so desperate to hit it
but his aim was off
either that

... or i was in his way.