"Baby Steps."

I have been following that dumb ass motto for a cursed 5 years now...

and it's time to stop.

We tell ourselves that if we initiate tiny, little changes, we can have a profound impact on the world. We can be that poetic, cliched pebble: dropped into the water, our ripples radiating outward, and eventually our seemingly small splash will reach the moon...

and get it all wet.

In theory, this is true.

But in my case, it's just another carefully crafted avoidance technique.

A macro that I use to hide my micro behind.

A way to keep myself from having to do

too. much. work.

I told myself that eventually, with time, I could be the powerhouse female that lives in the back of my mind, despite my locking her inside a cage of insecurity and self-loathing. I told myself that I could pick away, slowly, at all my bad habits, ease out of my addictions, and basically avoid pain.

But it was bullshit. And I knew it the whole time.

Even when I gave this advice to the people closest to me, I knew it was bullshit.

We needed to jump.

How high?

Really fucking high.