My sleeping patterns are horrible. I feel like I am wasting so much time. I don't feel like I am getting anything of consequence done. Everything seems so trivial and pointless.
Classes are going well... but I find that I don't need to do a lot of work outside of going to class at all to stay on top of things. That's bad- I get lazy. I want work to do. I want something to write about. This floating around doing nothing sucks so bad. I want an agenda.

My family is suffering from more physical problems than I know how to handle. It makes me worried that I am next in line- but more importantly- I'm so afraid of losing them. My grandmother and my father seem to be the most questionable. I don't know what I'm going to do when they leave. It makes me go numb just to think about it.

I just feel like I'm in the center of a tornado. I, myself, am fine. In the eye of the storm, I feel a false sense of security. All of this danger and badness is circling around my existence and I am afraid to move in any direction. I am afraid of getting caught up in the powerful winds of this suffering. I'm dizzy, cold and lonely. I can't seem to find my way out of here- but if I try to get through and fail... I'm going to get caught in a cycle that my mind cannot handle right now.