i feel like i haven't written anything of consequence within the last six months. most of the work i am proud of is from the year 2001. that's sad. i finished a whole composition book this last semester, but in looking over it... the whole thing is full of jagged and incoherent ramblings about nothing. and this blog... i don't even know where to start with this one. i am worried more about how the layout looks, if any links are broken, the number of hits i get, who makes what shout out and if i spelled anything wrong. i used to just sit and write write write or type type type with such urgency and passion it was unbelievable. i loved it... i fed off of it... and i produced that love and energy in my words. now all i seem to be able to exude is sarcastic venom.

i used to keep my writings private and never share them with anyone... they were so important and personal to me and what i believed in... but nothing i write now sparks even the the slightest bit of vulnerability. i was recently asked why i put myself out there for everyone to see on this web page... but i didn't know how to respond at all because i haven't been putting myself out there. i have just been trying to use key words like midget naked lesbian wrestling in my entrees to get higher up on the google searches.

sigh. i need to stop neglecting my inner sap.