I think that the best thing about band camp is the collection of tan lines. I mean, my ankle socks make it so that my whitish-blue feet look diseased, my tank top line and then my t-shirt line make me look like a reject who is so stupid that I can’t even get a farmer tan right, and my necklace serves as a nice white line of separation from my freckled shoulders to my cherry-red face. I’m a cornucopia of skin tones.

I’m gonna look real good come this thursday when I show off my shorts tan on the beach.