Today is my grandma’s 94th burfday. She started celebrating it at 3am this morning when she fell trying to get to the bathroom.

My Aunt and Uncle and Cousin all heard the thud of her fragile body banging into her walker, then the desk, and finally the floor. After a half-asleep once over, she appeared to be fine… not counting a cut on her wrist from her watch.

these hospital walls are the palest of white
here in this desert they're reciting my last rites
the smell of these halls
brings temporary comfort
as the oxygen flows through my blood
el corazon was poisoned tonight...
she's on her eight of nine.

When they all woke up again around 7am… things seemed to be okay. Until my grandmother collapsed at the breakfast table. This time she blacked out. Cue 911, Ambulance and Emergency Room.

I got the message at work around noon. Proceeded to freak out when realized mom’s cell phone would be off because of hospital rules and such so had no idea which hospital they were at. Started making phone calls. Found out she was listed as being in Suburban. Took off.

About ¾ of the way there, my mom calls me. She’s at Montgomery General. Ugh. Drive another 45 minutes. Finally get there.

Words cannot describe how frightening she looked. With her teeth out, her cheeks fell in around her mouth. Her tongue was hanging out of her mouth because of the stroke. Not to mention the weakness in the left side of her face. She spasmed and breathed irregularly in her sedated sleep.

when half of all your prayers are insincere,
the other half are lies.
here is this watermark under this bridge.
the point where it all crested,
rolled back and drifted into the sea.
i climb from this wreckage
as the smoke begins to clear from my lungs.
the closest of close calls has happened tonight.

At least she remembered who I was this time, trying to smile at me when fading out of sleep. Six hours later, after being moved to Suburban (she was on list at Suburban in preparation for her transfer… explaining fluke from earlier), she was coming out of her groggy state.

As she realized that she was back in the hospital, not even a month after she had come back home from a 6 week stay in the hospital and nursing home… she held on tight to the strong mask she has been wearing longer than I’ve been alive. But it slipped a little…
Accidentally letting a tear squeeze through and fall down her cheek to the ugly hospital gown.

it's time that i made things right
for the first time,
since the last time.
let this moment of clarity
lift this curse that has been cast upon me.

I kissed her on the nose and told her I loved her. On my way out the door I overheard her asking my mom…

“Was that Elizabeth?”

Unfortunately… my mask let a lot more than one tear slip through.

appreciate the good times,
but don't take the worst for granted.
'cause you only get so many second chances