processing...

i fear that if i speak it out loud,
everything will be cheapened
and end up N O T being
as good as it would have been
had they just known without my asking.

perpetual.
dissatisfaction.
... of my own design?

or is it
true to form
that the only satisfaction i find
is that time spent alone
exploring the curves
of my own intangible naked body?

that body of tingles
and big bang theory
that only reveals itself to me
when i s l o w d o w n long enough
to see everyone else spinning
their wheels
in a race that i never entered

they all sleep now
and i am almost relieved.
because in the middle of this night i don't have to pretend
that i am content
with them getting theirs
and me
just getting along...