My sleeping patterns are horrible. I feel like I am wasting so much time. I don't feel like I am getting anything of consequence done. Everything seems so trivial and pointless.
Classes are going well... but I find that I don't need to do a lot of work outside of going to class at all to stay on top of things. That's bad- I get lazy. I want work to do. I want something to write about. This floating around doing nothing sucks so bad. I want an agenda.

My family is suffering from more physical problems than I know how to handle. It makes me worried that I am next in line- but more importantly- I'm so afraid of losing them. My grandmother and my father seem to be the most questionable. I don't know what I'm going to do when they leave. It makes me go numb just to think about it.

I just feel like I'm in the center of a tornado. I, myself, am fine. In the eye of the storm, I feel a false sense of security. All of this danger and badness is circling around my existence and I am afraid to move in any direction. I am afraid of getting caught up in the powerful winds of this suffering. I'm dizzy, cold and lonely. I can't seem to find my way out of here- but if I try to get through and fail... I'm going to get caught in a cycle that my mind cannot handle right now.

I cannot find one of my semi-new, too-white Filas.
You know what I'm talking about. That pair of shoes you purchased because they were on sale... the pair of shoes that are totally white, with the exception of maybe a few light-blue stripes. The pair you know you can't where in public right away because the light reflected off of them would blind people. The pair you can only wear for about a month before they lose that oh-so-white magic and turn that weird tan color.

I wanted to wear that pair today. Damn you, Fila. Damn you.