I didn't even realize it until a few days ago.

You know how people who have been burned by someone (romantic interest or not) that they held close and important to them... how they have trouble trusting people afterwards... how they don't open up as easily...

I am totally doing that.

I mean, I have been really happy these last couple of weeks, with the family and the holiday season and all... but I realize that during this time period... I have shut almost everyone out of my life. I have cut the fat, so to speak...
A lot of people front like they want to be my friend... but they don't really care what's going on with me... and if I let them know too much... or trust them too much... I'm just going to get shat on again.

This is my mentality... Ugh.

I do NOT like this. I miss people.
But like last night, when I went to go get in touch and see some people who are very important to me... I just sat there like a moron. I didn't share anything about what was going on with me, really... and I felt nervous and awkward the whole time. I was not myself. And I don't know why. These people were my really close friends this summer and fall.

But I acted like I hardly knew them.


I just don't know how to feel comfortable letting people in again. Ugh.