are you fucking KIDDING me?

check out yer mom for updates on the clothes recycler crush from family therapy class!! you might wanna look soon because she is on her way out of my house and back onto the streets.

wow. it is one of those times in my life when i am left speechless at the things some of you people in my life do for me.

that totally made my year and i don't think you will ever really understand how much you and our friendship means to me.

it boggles my mind how talented you are... and then how you play it down like it is nothing. who do you think you are... me?

much love, doc.

DMB. Song of Moment.

oh look at how she listens
she says nothing of what she thinks
she just goes stumbling through her memories
staring out on to grey street

she thinks, hey,
how did I come to this?
i dream myself a thousand times around the world,
but I can’t get out of this place

there’s an emptiness inside her
and she’d do anything to fill it in
but all the colors mix together

... to grey

and it breaks her heart

how she wishes it was different
she prays to god most every night
and though she swears it doesn’t listen
there’s still a hope in her it might

she says, i pray
but they fall on deaf ears,
am I supposed to take it on myself?
to get out of this place

there’s loneliness inside her
and she’d do anything to fill it in
and though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
it feels like cold blue ice in her heart
when all the colors mix together

... to grey

and it breaks her heart

there’s a stranger speaks outside her door
says take what you can from your dreams
make them as real as anything
it’d take the work out of the courage

but she says, please
there’s a crazy man that’s creeping outside my door,
i live on the corner of grey street and the end of the world

there’s an emptiness inside her
and she’d do anything to fill it in
and though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
it’s more like cold blue ice in her heart

she feels like kicking out all the windows
and setting fire to this life
she could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
but all the colors mix together

... to grey

and it breaks her heart
it breaks her heart




... to grey

i shouldn't be surprised...

yep. so. here is a list of things that i am miserable about right now:

1. my car is squeaking. i have to find the time and money to take it in and get it fixed.

2. my manager is being a moron in regards to my training. i hafta go back and do all the the paperwork i have already done AND go to special classes. wee.

3. i have to pick up extra shifts this week to train in fastforward because in his poor planning, he is losing is ONLY other shift lead in one week. this means i will be working over 30 hours there this week... on top of everything else.

4. i locked myself out of the house and car today... had to sit on my ass in the cold and wait for my brother to let me in.

5. in waiting that hour, i became retard of the week, because i had to cancell my class from 315-530. i am worst TA ever. the one day the teacher is going to be out of town and i am responsible for running class.... i fuck up.

6. now we are two weeks behind in the class, and now i am 10 hours short for my internship.

7. my winterguard did not get to practice all last week from the snow, and missed their competition on saturday.

8. tonight, we don't get the main gym anymore because of make up basketball games. so now... we are a week behind and have nowhere to reherse. and my partner isn't able to make it to practice, so we can't even have a meeting or full blown practice.

9. tuition is due tomorrow. guess who's STILL short the amount they need to pay.

10. i ran out of left contact lenses this morning. i'll be blind in a week.

11. i also ran out of prime time minutes on my cell phone and won't be able to use phone for the next 5 days.

12. i had the worst fucking weekend ever... and it looks like this week is following suit.

13. it seems like everyone close to me has somebuddy special in their lives now... yet i am still... aw, fuck me.

14. my brother is irritated because i need to use MY computer to email all my students about class being cancelled. excuse me, i have to let him get on now.

the best way to describe how i feel right now is with a big ol' juicy fart.

yes.

so today a coworker of mine said i had a nice donkey ass... or something to that effect. then he kept making donkey noises at me. i swear... fucking walking sacks of pheromones. that didn't sound right... but you know what i mean.

has anyone ever been given this
"it's a compliment... even if it is a ghetto compliment... it's still a compliment... HEEEHAWWW" before?


::sigh::

oh, and by the way...

i am making mad progress with fixing all the bad linx on this page and updating my art fart and other starz section. not that you care enough to look at them or give me feedback about any of it!!!

i love this irritated bitch thing i have going. don't you?

moral dilemma

so. i have these two other sites that i kind of post on. if you slant your eyes slightly to the right you will notice them. they are entitled bitter and yer mom. if you click on either of those... you will see the lack of effort i have been putting into them. now... i cannot tell if this is just because i am bored with the current scheme, if it's because the other members of the group don't seem to give a toot anymore either, or if it has something to do with the fact that no one reads or gives feedback about the bastard children.

ok. stop thinking about redheaded step-children jokes.

the point of all this is that i want to clean house. i'm sick of being so spread out and stressed that everything i do ends up being half-assed. so... if any of you like these other sites, have ideas on how i can get back in the game again, or want to convince me from shutting down yer mom ::giggle:: ::sigh:: god, how i will miss saying stuff like that... start pleading your case. and yes, this would involve you fucking lurkers to actually make an effort to contact me. if i don't hear anything i am going to assume apathy. i'm just bored with this lack of interest. i'm not producing anything quality or feeling very motivated to do so.

give me some fricka-frackin motivation.

and no, dubzie... this is not some attention getting scam. this is what we call communication. i'm sick of this being a one-sided relationship!!

::storms off all huffie-like::

hearts and matching crotches aflame!!

“You are like wet sand in my underpants.”

So most of us are already very aware of all the snow. I know. But I’m going to talk about it anyways. I love snow. Especially when you lay down in a big old pile of it and your seat starts getting damp. Oh oh, and I love it even more when your suck ass front wheel drive Tupperware on wheels piece of poop can’t even get out of its freaking parking space because the neighbors successfully used it as the architectural support for a paradise “Snow Mountain” that puts me in mind of a miniature golf course. Either that or they were just inconsiderate enough to uncover their own car by piling 3 feet of funk nasty black and yellow icified asphalt goobered snow right on top of my little fire crotch.

Yes. My car’s name is fire crotch.

I do like snow. I just wish I was better prepared for it. And I wish that this area wasn’t so butt-fuck retarded in regards to dealing with weather issues. Oh well.

“Star light. Star bright.
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may I wish I might…
Have this wish I wish tonight.”

“That’s Mars. You just wished on a planet.”

“Figures.”

So my valentine’s day was pretty interesting. Sorry it has taken me so long to write about it. I worked a mid at *bux and effectively filled out my first sexual harassment form. The guy kept making references – in front of customers and the managers - to my fire crotch… but not the one I drive. That’s weird that I am discussing multiple flaming crotches in the same post. Anywho… I was a little more than displeased with the attention. This kid and I have been at ends since I came back… I remember training him. I remember when he came out to Friday’s to hang with a bunch of the old crew. I remember all of his issues. But he refuses to acknowledge that and has been a little puissant for the last month and a half. So I don’t know why… but that day he decided we could be friends again and started messing with me. He took it too far. The manager wrote him up and gave him a little speechie speech… and now he won’t talk to me at all. Sigh. It’s not like I was trying to be a hyper-sensitive bitch about it… but I wasn’t going to let him get away with speaking to me like that. He is a horrible employee and embarrassed and disrespected me in front of a dozen people.

I care too much.

I did enjoy most of the shift, though. We got to give out valentines to our preferred customers and I got to do yoga with one of my coworkers in the backroom and then at the drive-thru window. I’m kinda nervous because I meet with the head honcho tomorrow to talk about my promotion and stuff. We shall see if my charm can win him over.

Right. V-day. After work I pampered myself with a quizznos’ sub, a bubble bath and a casually naked afternoon spent in a dream somewhere between awake and asleep. Then I made a candle-lit dinner for my mommie and nonnie… we ate it… and then I headed over to Berwin for a fantabulously enjoyable singles’ party. My boi showed up with the wheel of passion again and I came away with a few gropes, kisses, and some edible cinnamon body lotion.

Mmn.

I love boys.

And friggin, damn, Christian Slater in Untamed Heart.

So Allison and firefighter Matt accompanied me to the singles’ awareness party, and I think they had a marvelous time as well. I love surrounding myself with good people. And dizz has accomplished that as well with Mr. Patriotic Construction Guy. Kudos to her.

But….a party ain’t a party without beer pong.

… and a little bit of drama.

::all-knowing smirk::

and I must say… my claim to fame that night was the realization that I am a magnet for two things:

1. drama queens
2. drag queens

yep. The one gay boy at the party… by the end of the night… was sitting in my lap. I swear, I was born with the word “FAG HAG” engrained into my ass like some twisted, liberal cabbage patch kid.

Werd. Massive updation. Yer welcome.

oh, and screw you all again for never leaving any fucking comments!

happy v day to all the saps!!

i think i'll spend mine daydreaming in memories and then drowning in alcohol. ::wink::

ugh!

i don't know how or why... i get so damn lucky sometimes. lunch meeting went very well and class was cool. i asked a few key questions that lead to the teacher extending our due dates until the next class... which is 2 weeks from now. all that stress for NOTHING!! ::bangs head on desk::

however... this does mean that everyone in the class adores me now... and i have some time to rework these pieces of crusted snot that i call my resume and cover letter.

but wait!! we're not through yet! i just got a phone call and an email from my coworkers about the main male character in our winterguard show. because of his grades he is now inelligible to participate in extracurricular activities. now... with all the crap we had to do for the upcoming show in the first place... WE HAVE TO REWORK THE WHOLE BLASTED THING TOO!!!!

why? why why why why WHY why why WHY??

yesterday was the worst. on something like 4 hours of sleep... i was 20 min late for my therapy class. the prof made an example of me like i have never made an example of before. i think i handled it well, though... quite a few people from the class approached me about what a good job i did fielding all of the questions she threw at me. however, i wasn't prepared for any other of my 3 classes that day. i got caught falling asleep in one class, made an ass out of myself in front of two adorable guys in another, and became frightfully aware of how uninformed i am about certain parts our our history as a country and about the laws and my rights in the last one. have you heard of the murder case about 14 year old Emmett Till in Mississippi? most likely, you haven't... and i suggest you look it up. horrifying.

then i tried to avoid rush hour with my head ache the size of ohio by chillin in the WAM lab. that kind of worked, but my head was pounding so hard i got very little accomplished. then, as i headed home around 7... i hit an accident right at the 270 exit on 495... and sat there for 45 min without moving. i hadn't eaten since 11am and my head still hurt and i was falling asleep at the wheel and frankly i am surprised i didn't die.

i get home and my mother wants ME to make dinner. and i got news that my brother is getting a new car. hrmph. at least it's another Monte like he wanted... but damn. he totals his old one, makes a profit from the dealer and then gets a newer, more-equipped model. and he's in love. and he's got a starting spot on varsity lacrosse.

no. i am not bitterly jealous at all.

so it's 9 pm and i hafta do my resume, cover letter, job ad and time sheet for my internship class, get prepared for my 12:30 meeting with Gerry today and somehow get enough sleep to open the store at 4:45am.

needless to say... i am now on about 2 hours of sleep. the best thing that happened to me this week besides the promotion was that my boss let me go an hour early today. so now i have just enough time to shower and update you all before off to the meeting. let's just hope i did ok with my work.

there is no way i am going to be able to do all this today, get all my work caught up and done for my 4 classes again tomorrow and go to street jam tonight. and we wonder why we have gained over 10lbs since moving back home..................

it seems as though i have forgotten to put things like "showering" and "sleep" into my day planner. if i can't manage to do those things regularly, how the hell do i expect myself to make exercising and eating healthy happen when i end up eating something fast and furiously in my car ::heh. snort:: or at 9pm at night when my metablism slips from that of a manatee to an elephant?

oh. and lastly. i can't really complain about my lack of valentine... because i chose to remain solo... but i chose that option because i am slowly ridding myself of pointless, nonsensical drama. and loneliness sure as hell beats being torn and confused about boys. so yeah. friendship love and cuddles will be greatly appreciated this friday. but really... this is better for me anyways because according to the socialite experts at TGW, i won't be much fun sexually for quite a few more years.



if the smell of that sarcasm is bothering you... close your legs.

not so immature anymore!

well, well, well. look who has grown up! marques houston, better known to most of us as the lead singer of Immature and as Roger from Sister, Sister, has put out a solo project. i've only heard the single so far... but i am impressed. check out the video for "that girl" to see the boy kick it just like usher and sample some of the latest Missy Elliot.


... why do i feel like a bad MTV vj?

sumbuddy got promoted today!!

::spins her whip cream canister all cow boy like and clicks it into her utility belt::

i'm having issues with updating. i feel like too much is going on... and that there is no way i can keep you all correctly informed in a timely manner. and i'm afraid of posting about some of the things going on that involve my social life. you know that whole "you talked shit about me on your web page" type deal. yeah... i don't need to go there. i am suddenly very aware that valentine's day is coming up quickly. i am very torn and confused. sad too. things just don't seem to be working out.

dawn, who i barely even talk to anymore, told me that i need to be more selfish. i do keep letting situations and people get the best of me. as always, my good intentions don't seem to count for jack. and, as usual, people never seem to give me back what they expect of me. i am going to have to revamp my friends list and add a new, bigger section called "acquaintances." it's just a shame because i do care about the people in my life so much. i'm tired of not being cared for in return. i don't think i'll ever be able to stop caring... but i can try to control how i act on that caring. i keep finding more and more that with people and life... friendships and loves and all kinds of relationships are all based on convenience. call me crazy, but i want more than "you're here so i guess we can chill." i want genuine.

and i know, that is very hard for me because i am guilty of not making or even returning phone calls more than anyone... but since i moved back home... i haven't heard from so many people. it's like because i'm commuting again... i'm not worth including anymore. that extra effort is too much. well try thinking about it from my end. everything is an effort for me. the scheduling, the drive, the money, the "where am i going to sleep" issue... and then there is the guilt that i feel when i can't make it. when i'm too tired. when i'm broke. so i end up tossing and turning in my loneliness... having a pity party for myself.

it sucks. i try to avoid it. i am busy. i adore my classes. i adore my jobs. i am getting my shit together. family is nothing but love. i'm starting to get out of the negatives, financially. music is pouring out of my mouth. i got a bomb new hair cut. but damn. we know that people and relationships are my world... and right now that world is so scattered, inconsistent and doubtful.

fuck you, blogger.

googlism:

liz is just taking a breather after recording the basic tracks for her upcoming album
liz is the working mom who juggles everything with a sense of humor
liz is thoroughly devoted to her lovebird tweety
liz is accidentally shot at the crashdown cafe
liz is dead
liz is a local
liz is planting flowers and fantasizing about how it's too hot for a wedding and all the potential disasters that can befall
liz is a real person who you can talk to
liz is the acknowledged expert on customer service process management
liz is all freaked at first
liz is listening to what you say
liz is right on the money
liz is ordinarily pretty informed


liz is searching for...

i don't think that there is anyone in G'burg that hasn't somehow already come in contact with my saliva. screw kevin bacon- it's the 6 degrees of separation from lizzie's lips to yours!

updated yer mom

well... what are you waiting for?!?! go read it!

get ready to ramble!

hi.


i'm sorry. seriously, i am. i know i haven't been around. i know that i've been rather elusive and avoiding on AIM. i know that my updates are virtually nonexistent and vague. i really don't know where to begin.

it's the same old story... same deal. living at home is trying. now that school is in full swing i have no free time. i'm already behind. i've already gotten sick... and that has just made things ten times worse. my snot and i are now on very intimate terms.

starbux always proves to be time consuming and gossip inducing. oh well.

my winterguard is now competing... last week we got first place in VA. of course... no one else was competing in our class...ahem.... but who's checking?! the highlight of the day, by far, was sitting in the stands after we performed. on my left was bobbi girl and her boyfriend steve, in front of me was dawn with her new contractor jeff, in back of me was laura with her boyfriend mike, and to my right was christina and chris. bill and karen waved at me from across the gym too. that was nice...

and now my brother is having his first dramafest ever. he thinks he's in love.

anywho i am sure you are not interested in hearing any more of my sob story. and if you are... i'm sorry but i'm just getting a little tired of telling it.

the worst part about all of this is that some of you are being wonderful trying to keep in touch and being there for me. and i'm basically shitting all over your faces. forgive me. i'll come around again soon... i just hope that you all are willing to still be there when i do.