every minute i have needs to be made up ... but how?

the morning leaves my skin dry. i rub my hands over my face and wish that i hadn't left my lotion all the way upstairs. don't think me lazy... just frustrated with myself that i got down to the basement before noticing i was in dire need of moisturizing.

moe asked me to write a post last night. i spent the evening putting my desk together and watching viva la bam instead. what can i say... his antics are just so entertaining.

and bam actually got me thinking. through the power of prompting and editing, this show has made characters out of his family and friends. certain personalities pushed to the extreme with the promise of monetary rewards and more importantly- mad props from other adrenaline junkies. peer pressure is a beautiful thing.

the color of everyone in that show is what gets to me. not the potty humor or the stunts or the abundance of testosterone... it's just all the raw excitement. everyone gets emotional about EVERYTHING. granted, i know that most of it is forced and planned because it is a television show, but damn... they have more than twice the amount of sheer energy in their lame little world than i do in mine.

that shit is just not going to fly.

i constantly have to tell my guard students to "cheese" or "ham" it up when they perform anything. that in order to really impress and connect with an audience they need to give and share themselves as much as possible. that it needs to be the most important thing in the world to you and you need to put your balls out there.

WHY shouldn't i be encouraging this in my own life... with the things that ARE really important to me?

fear. i think you need some time off.



"You ask me what I came here to do. I will tell you. I came to live out loud."
- Emile Zola