Coincidence, maybe? Only a few days after I put up that passage about Brandon on my web page... guess who just happens to call my ass?? Yep. We went out to dinner at the Macaroni Grill. He paid. Insane.

The thing is... he has never seen my web page, or any of my blogs for that matter, and he really has no clue what has been going on in my life. I forgot how long it had been since I had really talked to him. He didn't even know about my brother.
He is- in some ways, very comfortingly-and in other ways very troublesomely- the same. Exactly the same. To a T, whatever that means. While I had so much to tell him about my life and what has been going on (especially within the last four months-god- it seems so much longer than that), he was just chillin' doing the same things he used to do. His mind is still in the same place. It was great to see him again, and have him be exactly as I had remembered... but it made me realize something too. Since we were together (over a year now), I have changed a lot and moved into a totally different way of living and loving.

I started to think about our relationship... analyze and criticize everything we did together. But... before I drove myself crazy... I reminded myself that I was different back then and that I need different things. Brandon was everything I needed. He was the best boyfriend I have ever had. He treated me with so much love and respect it was ridiculous. If love were a shopping list... I would have married him. He had almost everything on that list.
But considering everything that has happened... I've got a few more items to add to my list. I want someone who wants to grow and change with me. Someone who isn't afraid to let things go, grow up, and welcomes conflict with open arms.

Thanks for the experience, B, you fatty. And for old time's sake...stop smoking, get a job, and figure out what you want to do with yourself. heh. Love you.

"Whenever I want to smell him...
I put on his leather jacket,
Smoke a cigarette,
Wash my hands
And pop a mint in my mouth."
-I miss you, Brandon.

"Missing someone and missing something that you had with someone are two different worlds...
but like night and day, they often embrace each other."
-January 10, 2001