Reflections:

If there is one thing that I have learned on this trip it’s that some people just aren’t magical. Even in the most fucking magical place on earth.

In fact, I think that they would be more suited in stall #2. I wish they would go there and stay there being shitty for all of eternity.

But they won’t. Instead they line MY streets of Epcot and the Magic Kingdom, smacking their children because they are secretly just jealous of their ability to have more fun. They sit on their motorized wheelchair thingies and stuff their faces with overpriced fried lard and complain that the seats on Space Mountain are too small. They cut in the long ass lines that people wait in for hours and then throw a hissy-fit when someone makes them wait 2 seconds for anything. They drag their feet over the yellow brick road and make fun of Dorothy’s slippers. They accuse It’s a Small World of being one long, boring sexual innuendo. They yell out smart-ass, inappropriate comments in front of 4 year olds who thank god, will be too young to remember this expensive as fuck experience anyway.

They avoid meeting the Disney characters and talk crap about how lame it must be to walk around in a dumb suit all day. They pull the flowers off the carefully shaped and trimmed hedges and litter in the man-made lakes and streams. They don’t tip their servers because it’s Disney World and they must be getting paid shitloads anyway. They wine and complain about how hot it is, how tired they are and how they just want to go back to the hotel. They don’t sing along with the soundtracks being played throughout the parks and on the stages.

They don’t fucking say excuse me every single damn time they bump into me and they roll their eyes at me because I actually get excited about the way the side walk lights up when I stand on it or how I stop mid sentence to take a picture of the view in front of me or how I run to play in the squirting Tiki masks with the 2 year olds or how I want to see the Voyage of the Little Mermaid AND eat cotton candy while I watch or how I belt out the lyrics to I Just Can’t Wait to be King or at my evil giggle about eating a Donald Duck shaped lollipop.

I had an excellent time in FL. The kids were great. The performances were great. The parade was the biggest rush I’ve had in a long time. Grad Night was awesome. Seeing Simple Plan for free on a stage in front of Cinderella’s Castle was absolutely mind-blowing. The bus rides were hilarious. The steakhouse in Japan was one of the finest eating experiences I have ever had. The late night jogs around the lake in back of our hotel were more than therapeutic. The blisters on my feet are trophies and my sunburn lines are sexy.

But damn it all to hell, people! There is something wrong with you if you can’t just shut the fuck up and take in some of the happiness you paid for.