i call him my reverend because he's mine. he has been for ten years. his son went to and graduated high school with me. his daughter is on my colorguard and winterguard. his wife is one of my mother's best friends and one of my mentors.
his name is gerry. and he is the most beautiful man i know. with. or without his collar.
today his sermon was dutiful. made the obligatory reference to the passion movie. made comments about the christmas, easter and i'll see you all again on mother's day crowd that so rarely gathers. told the same, tired story of the empty tomb.
but then. he sang. acapella. for no good reason. in front of the sardine-can packed congregation. i knew the words. and had to sing along with him. a lot louder than i should have.
I serve a risen Savior,
He's in the world today;
I know that he is living,
Whatever men may say;
I see his hand of mercy,
I hear his voice of cheer,
And just the time I need him
He's always near.
He lives, He lives, Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and talks with me
along life's narrow way.
He lives, He lives,Salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know he lives?
He lives within my heart.
(A.H. Ackley)
now... i have big, monstrous, "intimidating is not a strong enough word but you get my point" issues with "worshiping" a "lord." and "his son." they are too long and involved and beyond words, really... to ever clearly explain to anyone. so i will not even try. but this song represents and means more to me than the words in it. my going to church really has little baring on my "religion" or a sense of obligation. just like gerry means more to me than his status as a "reverend."
i enjoy the parts of organized religion that give me a sense of community and love and desire for a deeper meaning behind this life. but i also acknowledge, understand and... most importantly... RESPECT the flaws and mistakes man-made interpretation of the intangible has tainted this world with.
i guess my point is that i don't take things for face value. and anything you read here or experience with/through me should not be taken at face value either. hate on, haters.
back to my story.
this soft and lonely song that he sang to us... that myself and a few others immediately joined in... by the end. the whole room. was booming. with harmony.
and it took. my breath. away.
he said. "this world needs an easter."
a chance to celebrate mistake. pain. sin. and the ability to be reborn. the ability to get up and live again.
and i agree. we deserve an easter better than the one some of us "celebrate." one beyond easter eggs, chocolate and lillies. one beyond the metaphor of spring, the seasons coming around full circle after death to be born again and the pretend sense of life we feel when the sun comes out to play with us again. one beyond a cross, a man and a religion.
we deserve to celebrate all of the dark, unkind and horrid parts of this life in knowing that there is always the choice to go forward towards the warm, tender and succulent parts of it.
and this hit me hard as i sat holding hands with my mother. her first real outing since her surgery.
funny how the end of lent marks the end of my being my mother's live in nurse. funny how this rejuvenating experience came just at the time that i was doubting my energy to go on. funny how my mom's rebirth fell on the same day as her savior's. funny how my family's existence began a new today as my mother and father talked in the kitchen while they prepared easter dinner together... about our lives, our connections and our future.
funny how funny i feel for daring to call these things "funny."
so i am celebrating the many rebirths in my life today. i am celebrating the last 3 weeks and all of the pain, hurt, loss, doubt and fear. because i feel joy again. i feel new. i am strengthened.
i don't care who you are or what religion you choose to believe or not believe in. we all need easters. because we all have "good fridays."
and they should never. ever. go without easters.
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