and it just makes me wonder.

wonder if i always seem to miss the point. miss the magic.
i mean i trust that it is there... maybe i just don't know how to open my eyes to it.

but then again... should i question its presence? should i even consider the fact that i could be making more of this than i should? is there really any magic to experience?

am i too busy pursuing love that i don't notice it trying to grab ahold of my ankles as i run around like a mad woman?

doubtful. i look down at my feet often. i would have noticed the little red hearts shadowing their movements.

i fall drunkenly in love with the possibilities of this relationship i just can't seem to find.
i'd rather have this love affair in my mind
then settle for some make-shift romance that doesn't satisfy.
that is the bottom line.

i try to plant seeds everywhere. i have quite the green thumb.
i just can't seem to get excited over carnations anymore.
i'm waiting to plant a seed and have it bloom into something i've never seen before.
i believe they call it contentment.

i believe
in a lot of things
like bad poetry
and parenting magazines.

to spell it out very bluntly. i want a man to knock (not to be confused with sweep) me off of my feet. leave me speechless. leave me scared. make me vulnerable.

i want to shake. physically and mentally.

i am a force... or at least i try to be. i try to get to people. make them feel things. learn things. and i need that returned. there is no want in that sentence. only a need.

well... a need... and a lot of wonder.