blasts from the past.

something is brewing again. i can feel the juices in my shoes when i walk. i have to steady myself when i stand because i'm afraid the force will knock me over. the dreams are back but i'm too unmotivated in the morning to try and remember them well enough to type them up. the coincidences are getting weirder. the foreshadowing in my mind is seriously blowing up.

i wish i was better tapped into myself sometimes. but i guess it's enough that i know something bigger than me is making a play. and to all you haters who don't believe or have faith in anything...

you can't fool me. i know you're just jealous.

...

tonight i'm going to dinner with the infamous jeffrey thomas simon belefonte ramshackle quimby camillis monamauve brown the third. most people just call him jeff brown.
haven't hung out with this guy since around the time he graduated 2 years ago. ran into him at a bowling alley about a month ago. saw him at a starbux maybe a year ago.

either way. jeff brown represents another world to me. a time in my life when everything was different. that cast members were all a lot more colorful and the majority of them were bisexual women. yep. they had a pool going to see which one of them could make me switch hit first.

this was back in the summer of '99. just graduated from high school. i followed my close friend morgan to the black hole that is starbucks coffee company.

and my life was never the same.

even now... jeff and i talked on the phone last night for maybe 20 minutes... and after we hung up i felt like i could battle the big show and come out on top. that time in my life... i was just starting college... i loved my jobs at the coffee shop and with the band... i had a great group of friends... i was so empowered. i fuckin miss that. hopefully dinner will go right along with my move and maybe this overwhelming feeling that i described above... maybe help rekindle that old liz... the one that they used to call "sunshine."

yeah, can you believe that? my nick name was sunshine.

what the fuck happened to me?