Featured Writer #2:

Last December, I shared with the masses Stephanie Johnson's Ode to Belly Fat. This second piece, however, is from a friend of mine who had a story to tell, but wanted to remain anonymous. I'd like to call it "Skeptical Glitter."

enjoy!

I'm 21 years old. And I have never been in a serious relationship.

I feel like i'm in AA. Which may be why Liz offered to post my story anonymously for me.

Anyway, some people may think that being 21 and without some sort of significant other... ever... is odd. Maybe it is. And it could be for a lot of reasons. No, im not built like the average sorority girl. But there are some boys who will look past that, so I don't think that's it. See, I have this nasty habit of making myself seem unavailable. I don't flirt. I don't put myself out there. Why? I have theories, but they're not important.

I felt like I was missing something, though. I couldn't understand why someone would sit in front of their computer and compulsively check someone's away message, and wait for their special someone. I couldn't understand it when people talked about that feeling you get when you KNOW that you like someone. I couldn't understand how like, or love, could be blind, and deaf, and dumb.

That was until I met him.

He lives about two hours from here. How we got to know each other is a long, boring story that's not much fun. But we have been talking every night since late June. With the exception of about 5 nights. We make silly jokes and he understands me like few people do. When he doesn't, he makes every effort to. He IMs me every time he's online, and immediately asks how i'm doing, and how my day went, and all sorts of other things. There is never, ever a lack of conversation topics, because we can talk about nothing at all for days... and yet it feels like minutes. We have the same silly senses of humor, and a strong sarcastic streak. We've fought, on occasion, but we even fight well. We can talk to each other about it honestly and work things out. He doesn't like to hurt me. And he puts up with me when I get a little nuts on him.

Then one day, about 2 months after this talking every day stuff, he came to visit. His life is crazy, and he has lots of responsibilities that he can't control. So he drove two hours to visit me for about 5. ...that was the shortest 5 hours of my life. We talked, and flirted, and joked, and watched a movie. We tried to watch a second one, but.... we didn't even get to the opening credits of the dvd. After we hooked up... I was smiling. Not because I got some, but because I was happy. There was this... energy in the air. I didn't want him to leave.

That was about a month ago. And since that day, I can honestly say that I get it now. When we talk... even online... I feel like there are little gold sparkles in the air. Like fireworks, or glitter. He makes this warm fuzzy feeling come alive inside of me that no one else can. I want to spend my whole life sitting in front of the computer, with my cell phone by my side, waiting for him to come talk to me. If i'm driving around, and I see the car he drives, I smile to myself. And if that makes me a loser, then so be it.

I got scared though. All of this feeling, and nothing to back it up. So we had a Talk tonight. About where we stand, and what's going on. And it wasn't like most normal talks. Like I said, he doesn't have a normal life, so our Talk wasn't normal either. Plus, he's like I am... emotionally scared and wary of any sort of relationship, or the accompanying feelings. I didn't press him for a title. Or a relationship. Or anything more than a confirmation that we're... something. That he's not going to pack up one day and leave me and the little gold sparkles will go away. It was a difficult conversation to have, because I wanted to know what he thought, and I didn't want to scare him either. So what it came down to... on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being acquaintances, 5 being good friends, and 10 being dating, we're about a 6 or so. (on a purely emotional level. hooking up is not included in this survey.) That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but I think I can live with that for now. Would it have been nice if he were madly in love with me? Of course. In a perfect world, I would love to pursue him further, and demand that we date and whatnot. But with his life, and the distance... i'm at least content for now with knowing that he does care more than the average person, and that he's not going to pack up someday and leave. Maybe things will change, and maybe things won't. Knowing him, and knowing how things are with him, 6 isn't a bad number.

Either way, I want to thank him. I want to thank him for showing me what it's like. For helping me prove to myself that the little gold sparkles do, in fact, exist. For showing me how long I can, in fact, sit in my chair and cross my fingers that someone gets online. And for proving to myself that I'm capable of getting the warm fuzzies just like anyone else. A friend said to me, "you know? i'm proud of you for letting yourself get this involved. I know it isn't easy for you." ...you know what? I'm proud of me too.