Have faith, hang in there… things fall apart so things can fall back together.

I wish I were poetic enough to convey with words what has happened with me over the last few days. But maybe my poetry comes in my lack of ability to sugarcoat certain things that I experience and feel.

Some of you know that there are a few lists of people in my life… the main two being those who have been close to me that I plan on keeping close forever… and then those who were close to me who now hate my guts and don’t want me in their lives anymore.

I have ranted about this before… I’m searching my archives now to see if I blogged about it.

…

ok I can’t find it… and skimming through all my long rants from previous years just distracts me from my point. So if you don’t know my track record with “best friends”, you’ll just hafta pretend to understand.

Let’s just get it all on the table… I lost another best friend last night. Cut off, hated and put in my place about how I am untrustworthy and how I intentionally hurt people. She “never thought I had it in me…” but I defy the laws of physics and grammar and human thought on a regular basis so I guess I am not surprised that I could turn into such a selfish and dishonest bitch.

Some of my stalkers are probably like “see!!! You got fucked again, liz!! I’m not the only one who thinks you are a horrid person who no one should be friends with.” And all I have to say to you is STOP FUCKING READING MY PAGE AND GET A LIFE. IF I AM SO BAD AND SCARY AND SOMETHING TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THEN GO AWAY!!

So I am… how do I say this nicely… very ok with this. Because of something else that happened this weekend.

You see… a very best friend that i had thought i'd lost... she fuckin came back.

And I can’t tell you how mushy gushy inside it makes me feel. It’s like… a high I haven’t felt since I graduated. To me… it just confirms everything that I have felt and thought about friendships. People have to go and grow through things on their own. They have to figure it out and want to change before anything will happen. I can’t make someone think or feel the way that I believe is the truth and the best way to be. And they can’t do the same to me.

Some people (a whole lot of them, actually) just aren’t ready for the real type of friendship I so desperately need. Real friends DO have problems. They DO change. They DO make mistakes and they DO hurt one another. But they are open and honest and real when they do. And there aren’t hard feelings… there is an understanding and a caring between them. That these pains that happen throughout our lives are part of living… and that as long as we want to work together to be good to ourselves and each other… then it’s all gravy.

There is no such thing as the perfect person, friend or lover. The perfection comes through working together to create the perfect love. I stole that one from my man, Tom Robbins.

I make mistakes. I do things that others may not approve of or even agree with. But that’s going to happen with everyone. That is not how you measure friendship.

And well… if that is how YOU measure your trust and relationships… then you should probably rethink your relationship with me. Because I am guaranteed… I mean there is a list of at least ten people to confirm this… to disappoint you.