so maybe it's my messiah complex thing

... combined with my watching the Matrix Reloaded last night.

I couldn't sleep at all. I'm so out of it right now. And not even in a cute way. It's pretty much just annoying and humiliating.

I layed down around 11pm. I was in a whirlpool of nightmares... stuck between self pity and self loathing.

I fucking hate nights like those.

I don't want to write. I don't want to share things with people. I've been avoiding one of my best friends. Blowing off the boy. Going hella introverted.

And while I believe that I need periods on introversion to make decisions, clear my head and sort of re-group emotionally... this is not one of those periods.

This is straight up depression bullshit.

And while my defenses want to say that there is no reason for me to be feeling this way... if I go psychoanalytic on my ass I know what's going on.

I'm not going to let this get to me... I'm going to have fun this weekend. I'm moving out in a month. I'm making progress on the B&W. I'm making money. I've got good people thinking about me and watching my back. I know this. I know this. I know this.





Sometimes I just wish that I could be one of those weak ones.