I had another one! Come on, you know what I'm talking about... one of those unexpected events that occur when you are hanging out with someone you haven't bonded with in a while... and you just keep hanging out... and keep hanging out... and all of a sudden it's 6:42 AM on New Year's Eve.

Amazing PoOp, Lindz!! Thank you mucho for one of the best evening/night/mornings I have had in a while!!! Good food, good movie, good company... good memories... sigh. It still bothers me that the world is such an incestual, dirty place... but you help me rememeber than I am pretty clean. And goodness gracious- we covered all the bases! You are truly a strong and totally awesome lady... and you'll get yours. I have faith. And I know you do too.

Somewhere in there.

I leave you with some quotes from our favorite emotional fuckwhit:

"I'm doing a anthropoligical study on love..."

"(not to sound pompus or big headed)"

"I regressed to my base instinctual desires, that is, to procreate."

"This stuff makes me hate me."

"your overly shy quality and your aversion to actively invoking what you feel in others reminds me of me... when I was your age."

"and some ribald soothsayer, crawling into your eyes with my dirty unknowledgable talk and infesting you with strains of low self esteem...
like some misanthropic alchemist, turning your self styled happy life into some leaded mass of confusion and dissonance."

and the best response ever.... "ENGLISH PLEASE, I'M INTELLIGENT, BUT I'M NOT A DICTIONARY."

Good Night.
Err, Mornin.

I finished a journal today. That's a big deal. This book has been with me since I graduated from high school. For two and a half years I have been scribbling in this thing on a not-so-regular basis. Geeze.
It's the same kinda feeling of when you finish a whole stick of Chapstick or run out of ink in a pen... only multiply that by 10,000.
Intense. Now I'm going to go back and read it all.
Yes!

Wow. Amazing stuff, that fine family fun... I wish people were this nice and considerate and thankful of each other all the time... myself included!

Happy Holidays, EVERYBODY!

WoO!

Spent a lot of the day with Nestor and Garrett. And despite their stupidly entertaining banter, Garrett hitting me every five seconds and threatening to hurt me, and Nestor's preoccupation with Ivory ::wink wink::, these two guys are- I know, I hate to admit it- perfect gentlemen. In the past, most of my interaction with them has either been at marching band practice or over the computer, so I had no clue how truly great these two are. And no, I am not just posting this to give their egos a boost... on the contrary... I'm posting this to let every girl who has given up on the male half of the species know that THERE ARE STILL GOOD ONES LEFT. I mean, they are goofs, and have some issues... but doesn't everyone?!?! I think, at the core, these two have their heads on straight. I was impressed.
So yeah... thanx for the awesome day. Let's do it again. MWAH!

Coincidence, maybe? Only a few days after I put up that passage about Brandon on my web page... guess who just happens to call my ass?? Yep. We went out to dinner at the Macaroni Grill. He paid. Insane.

The thing is... he has never seen my web page, or any of my blogs for that matter, and he really has no clue what has been going on in my life. I forgot how long it had been since I had really talked to him. He didn't even know about my brother.
He is- in some ways, very comfortingly-and in other ways very troublesomely- the same. Exactly the same. To a T, whatever that means. While I had so much to tell him about my life and what has been going on (especially within the last four months-god- it seems so much longer than that), he was just chillin' doing the same things he used to do. His mind is still in the same place. It was great to see him again, and have him be exactly as I had remembered... but it made me realize something too. Since we were together (over a year now), I have changed a lot and moved into a totally different way of living and loving.

I started to think about our relationship... analyze and criticize everything we did together. But... before I drove myself crazy... I reminded myself that I was different back then and that I need different things. Brandon was everything I needed. He was the best boyfriend I have ever had. He treated me with so much love and respect it was ridiculous. If love were a shopping list... I would have married him. He had almost everything on that list.
But considering everything that has happened... I've got a few more items to add to my list. I want someone who wants to grow and change with me. Someone who isn't afraid to let things go, grow up, and welcomes conflict with open arms.

Thanks for the experience, B, you fatty. And for old time's sake...stop smoking, get a job, and figure out what you want to do with yourself. heh. Love you.

"Whenever I want to smell him...
I put on his leather jacket,
Smoke a cigarette,
Wash my hands
And pop a mint in my mouth."
-I miss you, Brandon.

"Missing someone and missing something that you had with someone are two different worlds...
but like night and day, they often embrace each other."
-January 10, 2001

I swear to goodness gracious. This semester may have been one of the worst, hardest and most difficult of my life... but when I look back at what I've gone through... how I have grown... I am at a loss for words.

I thank God for every single one of you who has remained an active and positive part of my life. I do not know if I could be where I am without you. I honestly don't think I could have made it through one of the most defining parts of my life if it hadn't been for the few truest friends I've ever had.

Thank You.
Happy Holidays.
I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know.

Can't sleep. Poopage. So I'm just going to ramble for a while. This blog is probably not going to be funny, awe inspiring, or even thought provoking. I apologize in advance.

I really want my own website. With my own cool templates and html tags and other sophisticated computer jargon talk. Blogger is really cool, but it's just not personalized enough for me. I want bad pictures that people will hate me for putting online, links to websites that no one will ever look at, and a cooler way to organize my writings. But I, alas, am html retarded (pardon my politically incorrect slang terminology)... and therefore have a page of nothingness. I'm serious. Check it out.

www.wam.umd.edu/~eniemiec

Not only does it have the eye-pleasing "The Page Cannot Be Found," but it has it THREE SEPARATE TIMES. I am so pitiful. But hopefully tomorrow, Nestor will come and make everything ok. WoO!

I have come to the conclusion that I am dying, socially. The lack of interesting, exciting and/or new things happening to me is really starting to mess with my head. I feel like a slug. Nothing to complain about really, except that I'm poor and can't move into the coolest house ever on Harvard Rd. with my dawg, Morgan, but I'm over that. I'm used to living at home and commuting.
I have accepted that I will just forever be 45 minutes away from everyone and everything.

Did you know that I spend over 2 hours in the car on an average day? Just think of all the time wasted listening to the friggin radio because my cassette thing doesn't work! Ugh, heartbreaking! From school, to work, back to school, to home, to gas station to school, to Starbux, to home... etc.... etc.... etc... wait. How DO you spell etcetera.... wow.

What was I saying? Oh yeah... social death. I really want to have a social life. I really want to date people. I miss people. I miss romantic drama. I could use a change of scenery and supporting actors.

Wheat Thins are amazing. Definitely the snack food of the month. The crunchy, nutty goodness, the salty, lip-smacking edge... and that baked yumminess is totally unsurpassable.

I have a cold. I think it has something to do with walking around in DC in the rain, sitting in a really hot, smoky cafe, and then staying up until 4am. Yeah.
But it was worth it. I missed having those really long conversations about everything. I saw myself in a very, very good friend of mine. She reminded me how cool people like us are. Us people who are in love with emotions. Love especially. I had forgotten my infatuation with people and how much I can learn from them.

Thank You, Jonelle.
Even though I am not going to miss you... I am going to miss the chances to have experiences like this weekend with you.
The people who never take the time to notice you are missing out. And the people who finally do notice... they are very thankful.

Because I know I am.


I have never seen such an ugly, fat, funny girl come alive
Like the way you did when tears lit up your eyes

As you spoke of the things that make you cry
The things that make you feel like you want to die
But leave your insides
Turned, twisted and alive

That alive feeling only a conflict can bring
Like the conflict my heart has with my self-conscious head
Every time I open my mouth only not to sing

You didn't have to date this musician
Or even have to give me good head
To make me want to remember all of those little things
That touched your heart
Like phone calls from underneath bathroom sinks

You have so many flaws and faults and discrepancies
Self-defeating tendencies
You truly do annoy me with your insecurities
Only because they remind me
of mine

In trying to write a song of praise
A poem of love and life
It seems that i always turns out that way
alone, and full of strife

But you already knew about that
You experience my frustration too
Are we fat?
Are our hearts are true?

Who knows.
But then again...
Who cares?
The only thing that matters...
Is how we feel

That is what makes it real.

Now all I gotta do is join a friggin acapella group.

Watch Out! Here comes positive blog #3 in a row! Something is freakishly wrong here! But, oh well... I gotta take advantage of this while it lasts!

Winter Guard is the answer to all of my problems...

Problem #1 : MONEY

Being the smartie pants that I am, I made the members pay a $10 staff fee for participating... this means... I GET PAID at least $150. That will so help with my next car payment. WOo.

Problem #2 : BEING A LAZY FAT ASS

Hello physical activity! I actually sweat today. Amazing. And no, it wasn't because of the freakish weather. OH yeah... and making high school kids to chest pumps to each other is fuckin hilarious. And laughing burns calories too.

Problem #3: LACK OF BOYS

My guard has 7 fine, strapping young lads. And they like me. It's great. Eww, that disgusting... I would never... but the attention is nice. SO THERE.

Problem #4 : MY POOPY MOOD

I love these kids. I love being around them. I love practice. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. I love being in charge of a group that is so committed, hardworking and dedicated. Amazing. Their energy just pumps me up even more. It's like crack. MCPS crack.

Problem #5 : MUSIC

I get to write dance and flag and weapon routines to music... THAT I PICK. It is so cool... I can sing along, dance around and have fun... and be surrounded by music that I love. Heh. Our show this year is Incubus' Pardon Me. I know, how cool is that?!?! I mean, how cooool am I?!??!

I'm serious. Everyone should go out and help run a winter guard. Hell, I'll even hire you. My staff so far is 2 of my bestest friends ever who are so skilled it's unbelievable and 2 amazing people who I know are going to be a great help to the program.
So quick- grab a flag pole and just surrender to the magic that is... Winter Guard.

WoO.

Sigh... I'm drunk with love.

I miss this good, mushy, I've-got-this-person-out-there-that-I-think-the-world-of... and-they-care-about-me-too love.
Haven't felt this love in long time.
Wish this love wasn't in Arizona.
However, feel very lucky to have this love at all.

This is the love that I will write about in my photo albums, baby books and scrap book quotes. This is the love I will tell my grandkids about.

This is the love of a friend I want so badly to touch.
Damn.

Must seek more of this love and revel in it.
Good God, did you have any idea what kind of amazing shit you put on this planet?!?!?!?

I'm workin on it. I swear. I really would like to go back and erase this last week. My poopiness got a little outta control. But i take it back. I don't wanna be negative, bitchy, bitter liz. She is funny... but that is where the attractive qualities end.
I think we can all say that idealistic, romantic, semi-optimistic and cheery Liz is way cooler. And she is pretty funny too. Plus... I hear she can sing.

Anyways... I apologize for losing sight of what I like about my life... and myself.
I just haven't, until very recently, been reminded about all the gifts I have been given... and I sorta forgot about the positives.

It's easy to lose those shiny starz when there is no moon to reflect their light.