Yeah. I dunno what's more depressing... the results of these tests... or the fact that I have so much time to take them. ::screams::
I cannot wait until this semester is over and I don't hafta sit in front of fucking computers all damn day.

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You are a fighter and always on the defensive. You always need to be sure that your position is safe and established. When you finally make a decision you will pursue it to the bitter end in spite of all opposition.

In spite of all the opposition, you are insisting that your goals are realistic but circumstances are forcing you to compromise. You are not very happy with this situation but there is little that you can do about it. You have very strict standards which you try to apply to everyone who enters your sphere of influence.

The tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to physical and/or mental frustration. It would appear that you are not appreciated and as a consequence, the situation is most disagreeable. You seek personal recognition and the appreciation of others to compensate for the lack of like minded people with whom to ally yourself. You would like to surrender and merge with others but your inherent self-restraint makes it difficult for you to open up. This disturbs you as you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You want to be liked, admired and appreciated for yourself.

You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.

How can you tell if someone was just trying to be sociable and bust your chops... or if they were mad flirting with you?

BLUE GREEN BLACK: You're an Identity Creator
You're in touch with your emotions and clearly express what you want. When you listen to the concerns of others, you discover what is best for them. You help them accept themselves.

Flirty FemmeYou're an A+ seductress because your approach is more friendly than fatale. "A good flirt likes herself and it shows," says Peta Heskell, author of Flirt Coach. "You ask questions that allow people to open up about positive experiences, and you get a kick out of making them feel good about themselves."

Another plus: You're a pro at reading body lingo. "You sense how to use touch wisely and with whom," says Heskell. So even though you wish you could put your paws on that cute coworker or hat-wrestle a guy in a bar, you'll try a smaller move first and watch his reaction. If he flinches? No sweat. "You know that not everyone will be receptive to you, and you don't take rejection personally," says Heskell. Likewise, when you're flirting with someone who is too touchy-feely, you will gently back off so he takes the hint without getting hurt.

Quizzes = procrastination

Yeah. So. People are avoiding me. Or threatening to avoid me. Or weird with me. I can name at least 5 people. What is going on? What did I do? It is almost like as soon as I get into a good modd and start enjoying myself... people run far, far away from me. Am I scaring people away? Self Doubt is a bitch. I can't just brush it off of my shoulders... happiness takes effort on my part, because it takes a lack of effort. I'm not good at just letting things be. I like stirring things up. Maybe I have stirred too much? Maybe I ate too much?

Yuck, reading back over this post totally makes me realize how I scare people away. Yer on crack, Liz. Settle down.

Another good day... and a pretty good night, too. Kind of.

I mean, yeah... it was a good day. And a good night. Great convo with the daddy... great dinner with the fam... chilled with my brother and got my stuff finally unpacked from florida. Slept a lot. Went over to Nestor's...

And that's when the kind of stuff started happening.

I love talking with Nestea. He's great. Makes me think. Makes me think that, oh, I dunno... I could enjoy more than a friendship with him. But. Sigh. No matter what the reasoning behind it... even if it is good reasoning... even if it is flattering and noble in a way... rejection still hurts. Oh well.

Vanilla. and June 27. Friendship is key.
"I want to control the information."

I cannot wait until this summer. CP better watch out. I'm going shopping, damnit. I deserve this. No more excuses, no more tangents or side tracks. I've gotta make a personal ad.

I love seeing music performed live. Such an amazing release. Brien and Kelly are so totally cool and made me feel very comfortable. Yay! And I got to see my brother act all big and bad in the mosh pit... and grab mucho cute buttox.

NFG just makes me giddy. Every time I see them... I get more psyched. I dunno, just the energy, the stories, the fact that they all AREN'T amazingly gorgeous... it makes me so happy. And, as promised... I am in singing gaga land. Sigh.

Must write english paper.

I have a new infatuation with the smell of cigarette smoke in hot weather. Especially in the evening. Yum. Reminds me of Brandon. Sigh. And his hands. His hands were perfect. His silver rings... his clean and square nails... his touch was honestly one of the most heavenly feelings ever.

Sorry, I'm gushing... but during the break of my family mediation class today... we all went out for a breather... and this girl lit up- suddenly I was taken into a cloud of memories. It was totally cool. And my Bill Cozzby prof has finally decided to learn my name. WOo!

Today was just great. I even got to talk and eat in front of MariB... a very pleasant and welcome surprise. I was sick of missing her. And now Aerosmith is on TV. This is love.

I finished that damned book. Finally! WoO! So beautiful... so dreamy... so yum.



I'm feelin all Nancy Drew in these glasses...

And guess what else I did?!?! I recorded some new lyrics!

And its' strange how
All the starz that I've been shooting for
Have fallen from the sky...

And it's funny how
All these starz seem to resemble
The tears falling from your eyes...

Awwww yeah, I'm cookin - too bad I'm not doing the work I SHOULD be doing instead.

Weird stuff is happening. I don't feel like I am really here. I have a poopload of work to do but am not interested in doing any of it. I am lost in my classes and fear a sudden drop in my GPA for this semester. I really could give a rat's ass though because this summer will be great and i'll get to move into CP again. If I can work hard and get good grades, fine... but I am not the type of person to stress myself out about it- I don't think it's worth it.

I want to move. Far, far away and not have to deal with these people anymore. Start all over and make some brand new connections. Without having this baggage constantly held over my head. The past is the past... what happened happened and now it is over. Can't we just be happy and enjoy the moments we are about to make?!

My ideals have been encouraged to bloom while I was in FL. I'm not going back to the old humdrum rutines. I am going to start enjoying what I do and what I want to do. The late night kidnapping I had with the guard has reminded me how much I love people and being a part of their growth. These kids blew me away and made me cry and feel so damned special. I didn't deserve it, but man... I said something that I never really took too seriously before... but now I know I need to listen to my own advice sometimes. All of the time.

"You don't remember the boring, bad stuff. You remember the fun, outrageous times. The friendships, the inside jokes... the good stuff. And well, if you take the time to do what you enjoy... and spend your time working for those fun times... you will have more to remember. And be thankful for."

When did I get this smart?


Love.

oh yeah... uh uh uh... oh yeah...

this is my florida song.

can you tell that i'm excited? GREAT. I won't be back until monday, but ill be hitting up my cell voice mail. so, keep me informed of important doo doo. MWAH, ok i love you, bye bye.

I don't understand what I am supposed to do. Ever.

I love Jonelle. And I love the computer.

After I get off of work today at 4:30pm I am swearing off of internet social activity until sunday evening where I will return to create the final drat of the paper that just won't write. That means no browsing, no email, no chatting, no AIM, no TGW, no IWS, no Blogging, no NOTHING.

Because this is just getting out of hand. Sigh.

inspiration is beautiful. and often comes from unexpected places. like four year olds who like dinosaurs and bugs.

weird - i know.

but man, i was in yum. and not just stupid iamhornyasatoadandwanttogetsomelovin yum. i was in idon'twanttobedoinganythignelserightnow yum. great googley-moogley. made my week. made my month.

yes. that guy. this will be fun.

ok. idea. BIG idea.


"A Girl Should Have Sung It"

more later... i promise... this blog is gettin kinda lame, i know.

PATIENCE