unemployment: day 1

well. here we go. i slept until noon. took a shower. wrote my mom a check. deposited my second to last paycheck ever. went over to mike's to check out some issues with my car. hung out with melis and now have an idea for my B&W book club. more info on that when i get it organized. made dinner for the fam and cleaned up around the kitchen. ate dinner and had a big old meeting.


the meeting was to announce that my dad's office is closing at the end of august.


looks like unemployment is just looming in the air these days. this confirms it now. my entire immediate family.

never. a dull day.

we always hear the stories about people who are in love with emotionally unavailable people. people who can't express themselves to those who need to hear it the most. we all understand what it's like to be afraid of telling someone something because we can't really even get a handle on it ourselves.

but what about the other end? what about the people who are so emotionally tuned and developed that it is hard for them to hide ANY of their feelings? i want to hear some stories about those people. i want learn about what it's like NOT to have to prod and poke and ease tidbits of insanely important thoughts and feelings from the insides of someone.

someone who just says it all no matter how crazy it makes them sound.

in response to the shout outs

unfortunately i don't think these comments are going to be a profitable way for me to deal with this problem.

there is no way that i can convince you otherwise and you are certainly not going to convince me. you aren't there. you don't see or experience me with my friends. you don't know if i'm keeping myself distant. you are assessing a situation that you only have glimpses into through jagged blogs and a connection through personality theory that you probably draw from your own personal development.

i appreciate your advice and the fact that you even say anything of substance with your comments... but i'm NOT looking for it. i don't want advice or some mystical key to figuring out what the hell my problem is.

this is exactly my point. i don't want someone to tell me or show me how i need to change to better my situation. no one does. people change when THEY are ready to. and i don't know where i am with that but i am certainly not in a place where i'm going to listen to people's advice who have no clue what's going on with me.

that's what you are doing. that's what she did. that's what he did.

this is what i don't understand about people. i didn't come to you for advice. i didn't blog my thoughts and feelings for you to come back at me and call me a liar and say that i am hurting my friends and that i don't let anyone get close to me. i mean what the fuck- who are you to tell me about me?!

whether you have good intentions or not... all you are doing is adding to the list of "shitty things i do to hurt people" list. i obviously obsess over how i hurt people enough. come on, james... use your ENFPenis to realize that i don't want a savior. i am my own savior. we all are our own saviors.

i specifically went to my friends to share with them. to get them to see whats up with me and maybe understand. and she told me that she didn't want to hear about it. she'd rather go out and drink. she'd rather talk about school and her career and her future and how blessed she has been.

you see when i need a shoulder to cry on, i am breaking the roles. i am messing up how it works. i'm liz. i'm supposed to be the one that helps with your problems. that listens without judging and then helps you figure out what's really going on and is just there for you. i haven't managed to cultivate a relationship yet on ANY level where there is an even give and take on who gets to play doctor.

and you know what? i don't care if you do have the answer for how i can not feel so alone. i don't care if you know how i can just disregard what my heart and intuitions tell me to do and how that will help me be better at these things called relationships. this is my story. i'm not there yet and i'm not sure i want to get there. so i'm sorry if i am being defensive and rude... but that's just how it is. if i wanted therapy i'd go talk to a therapist and if i wanted a preacher i'd go to church. i am writing on my personal webpage. i write for me. i write to think about things and get them out and maybe come to a catharsis in the process. i would never be arrogant enough to think or imply that the words i put on this page are all righteous and of absolute truth.

my godmother said something to me a few months ago that has stuck. she told me that she had to wait to hear the pop. that no matter how bad it got, what the signs were or how good the advice was... until she heard the pop- nothing was going to change.

what's the pop, you ask?

the sound of your own head popping out of your ass.

and well. my head is still rammed up pretty far in regards to this. that's why i'm writing about it. so get your hands off of my hips and stop trying to pull me out before i'm ready. ::visions of pooh bear stuck in that door and everyone trying to pull him out::

fin. for the moment.

i had one of those days where i was just itching to yell at someone. everything anyone did pissed me off. the problem was that as the afternoon went on... everything i did was starting to annoy the shit out of me as well. i know we all have moments of self-admiration, self-hatred and my personal favorite, self-doubt... but self-annoyance? leave it to me to start that trend.

i slept until 3pm. i don't really know why. maybe the fact that i stayed up until almost 7am had something to do with it. i missed doing a lot of things i had wanted to do that day. my heart hurt too. i looked around my shithole of a living space and rolled back over to go back to bed. so many people to call. ugh.

then the fighting began. getting into a spat with other people is at least thrilling for me because chances are that i will win... because even when i lose, i win. but when you fight with yourself... you always lose. there is no chance of coming out on top.

i went up to college park because i needed to talk to them. i needed to be around people who knew the me who didn't live at home with her mother and who didn't spend more of her day in front of the computer than she did actually partaking in this thing called life.

i wanted to spill my guts. i wanted to cry like a spoiled little brat who had their toys taken away. i wanted to be reminded that boys will come and go but friendship is forever. i wanted them to want to know what was going on with me.

but it was like she didn't even care. or maybe that she didn't even notice. or maybe that she did notice but didn't want to go there. i mean it was a fine night. food, a little drinkin, excellent discussion. but it was one of those few times that i really didn't contribute. when i don't contribute to a discussion... you can pretty much be certain that i'm either not interested (doubtful), uninformed (depends on the topic), or uncomfortable (DING!).

i'm not mad at them. i mean... it's been a whole summer. we aren't that tight-knit group we used to be. i'm all the fuck over here in G'burg. they all live in the same building. we are in different parts of life now.

i've just realized that right now... i don't have anyone who understands. no one who i can pour it all out to who will, wants, and is able to take it all in. i don't have a shoulder to cry on. i have people who care about me and who are associated with me and the like. i have people who enjoy my company and vice-versa. i have people who stimulate me mentally and emotionally.

but people are just different. and i don't want a different perspective. i don't want advice on how i should change or go about planning my future out. i don't want to talk about the strategies to succeed in this materialistic buttfuck of a society. i want someone who hears the poetry in my words and who sees the magic behind my eyes. i don't know what the hell i'm talking about.

i just want someone to get it.

maybe that fatal enfp flaw is true. we are never satisfied in our relationships. we never really give ourselves. we take in and try to be there and help others... and we do it well.

i've always wanted to change someone's life.
but what i didn't realize
was that that "someone"
isn't just anyone.

that someone
is me.

yay!! i love nights like these.

all the guilt and none of the pleasure.

i think that is an excellent way to sum up my current state of affairs.

do not feel guilty for being honest.
do not feel guilty for being honest.
do not feel guilty for being honest.

i cannot wait to leave for connecticut next week. 7 fun-filled days with absolutely NO obligations. far, far away from this "whatever" i have created for myself.

excited that colorguard season is almost upon us.

feelin' rather sassy with my new haircut.

change is usually uncomfortable. and i'd rather feel uncomfortable than stressed and depressed beyond belief. if i could only get my leg to stop bouncing and my right eye to stop twitching.

heh heh heh har har nar nar, pffft!

lazy fat ass, you are.

yes, master yoda.

... i didn't leave my house today.

this is becoming a reoccuring pattern for me on my days off. so what exactly is going to happen when everyday is my day off?

not exactly an encouraging thought.

walks around the lake

skipping along the path, watching my shadow lead the way through the sculptured and carefully laid out landscape... i watch the ducks and geese. i chase them into the water. they chase me and make dreadful noises when i get too close. i can hear the fountains... i watch them with their neon colored highlights. the sounds of 270 coming from behind me are not quite drowned out by the tall bushes pretending to be fencing. the perfect display of urban meets rural. suburb yuppieville like woa.

my home.

i talk into a tape recorder. i scribble on paper. i talk on a cell phone to hopeful beings of inspiration. i watch couples speed up to pass me, and listen to their conversations stop and then start when they think they are far enough out of my earshot.

i sit on the steps. right in the middle of the path. i lay my head back. people have to go around me. "why doesn't she sit on one of the benches?" good question.

i sing that same melody i always do when writing lyrics. i can't read them in the dark. but i still write them down because the tape recorder distorts my singing voice so much so that it hurts me to try and listen to it.

i wonder what the people i watch think of me. alone and awkward... choosing to spend my time in a place normally occupied by those on social excursions. i avoid eye contact with those i know... in an effort to fool myself that they aren't doing the same thing.

why should i not try to live a life where my career is creation? whether my creation is beautiful... truthful... or a raging and confusing mess... does that really matter? when the point of the act is the act itself- not the byproduct or the produce.

i feel like myself. a bit awkward and alone... but full of wonder and awe for the things i see. vibrant and aware. and alive.

i can't stand up and i can't fall down

shame on me. a drive home at 2am and a fully charged cell phone. half sober and wanting to be less. sorry for all the messages. sorry for being scared to call the ones i should have called. wishing i didn't need to call at all.

i had fun tonight. it was great to see everyone. excellent game of question. lovely to walk around campus again. wawa subs are the shit at 1am.

but what goes up must come down i guess. what i don't get is how i manage to fall all the time... except in love.

nite.

a little late but still worthy of mention

i always knew i was the stuff dreams were made of.

what the hell is THIS shit?!?!

unacceptable. i mean... if yer gonna steal a layout... at least make it work properly. not to mention CHANGE THE LINKS so i don't get your lame ass refers.

well... i was right about the kissing. it came sooner than i thought it would.

too bad it was my boss's ASS that i ended up puckering up to.

this takes me back to the high drama days.

i don't know why, but last night i had a lurking pain in my stomach while i was trying to go to bed. i was worried about work. worried about seeing my boss. worried about what he would say about my quitting. i woke up at 2am. it was one of those startled, holy-doo-doo-where-the-hell-am-i jolts. my right elbow knocked into my alarm clock, and it fell over the back of my loft bed.

after agonizing in pain for 5 minutes. "i don't know why they call it the funny bone... because this is not funny." i half-assidly climbed down my ladder and tried to fish out the clock from behind my futon. no dice. i fell asleep sitting on the futon.

again- i jerked awake around 3am. WTF? major neck pain. and my face was glued to my old skool bean bag that had substituted as a pillow. this time i managed to get the clock back up to my bed... i checked to make sure the alarm was still set for 4am and dozed off again.

i yawned and rolled over. 5:25am.

FUCK!!

so i grabbed my black button down shirt from my closet and my slitted black skirt from the hamper and ran to my car without shoes on. i adore yellow blinking lights. tried to call the boss on the way to work as i charged up my dead cell phone in the car charger (long story, don't ask). he was in the shower.

he'd hate me. think me a selfish prat who was full of shit and didn't really care about the store. i mean, what the hell kinda karma is that the first time i work after turning in my letter of resignation that i am an hour late to open up the store?!?!

so i pull into the parking lot. i knew my opening staff would have bailed by then. so i was alone. but here is where the morning turns with true liz fashion.

i lock my keys in the car.

i don't panic. i'll just call my mom and have her bring me my spare key. oh yes. call her from my DEAD CELL PHONE. at this point, the customers were gathering. as i sat on the curb in front of the store, apologizing for the store being closed... they walked away and then watched my in my glory from Einstein's across the way.

about 2 minutes go by and then i am struck with genius. PAYPHONE. i run around the building and reach for my purse. my wallet is attached to my keys. sigh. just dial down the center, carrot top came to me in a vision. "mommie.... i'm retarded. can you come save me from getting scolded? please, i'll be a good daughter. i'd never put you in a home."

so now all i can do is wait. it was like an inadvertent time out. all i could do was sit there and think about what i had done and how much it just figures and what the hell was the point of this one, God?!!?!

well beyond crying at this point, i jumped on my mother's car as she pulled up and did a little irish jig for her. she smiled her "god i feel sorry for you, child" smile and pulled away.... and i went into hyperdrive.

open door. turn off alarm. set safe. warm up urns. calibrate bar... oh, what this?! a broken espresso bar? oh that's rich. recruit venti double cup drip to keep people out of the store. call manager. call district manager. leave toolish voicemail. call opening staff. turn on rolling stone's artist choice CD. count milk. manager arrives. freckles arrives. pastry case. mama arrives. naty-bo arrives.

store is miraculously run for the next 6 hours.

maybe it was a blessing in disguise. we saved some labor. got some extra sleep. gave away a few caffeine withdrawal head aches... and totally took the focus off of my quitting.

smirk.

i predict that kissing will come soon.

2 weeks till

last night i left my letter of resignation in the manager's log for them to find this morning. i told pixie that i was leaving... but she and melis were the only ones who knew it was "officially" coming. you know how i love that element of surprise.

i think that everyone else thought that i was just talking about of my buttocks about how unhappy i was there. that i complained all of the time without any real intent to improve my situation. that "well, liz always has to have something to complain about" mentality i have been accused of having.

i guess in a certain sense you are correct because now i am complaining about YOU thinking i am all talk and no action.

so HA!

................. right.

that leaves me two weeks until my first real meeting with the idea of being "unemployed." that is, if you don't count the half a dozen other "jobs" i have. but seriously, i haven't been without multiple obligations since junior high. this is going to be quite the experience for me.

i hope i can do it without wasting away alone and in front of this computer. ummn, because i don't do that already.

---

so the biggest thing on my mind about not having a real job for the ENTIRE month of august is taking a more active stance on my creative works. the biggest obstacle in the way of this is not the lack of money... but the lack of space.

my room is horridly small, cluttered and contains enough furniture for two of Barbie's Dream College Dorm Rooms. i have no desk space (thank you ancient and monsterous monitor) and no sitting space (thank you various unorganized papers, projects and hideously out of style clothing). the environment is not conducive to having an open mind, let alone breathing properly. i hardly even have natural lighting (thank you loft bed that i purchased back during the year we don't speak about anymore)... and the friggin HEAT is just uncomfortable (thank you computer that i refuse to turn off and air vent blocked by my lingerie chest). who OWNS a lingerie chest?! honestly!

ugh.

so i think i need to put some stuff away into storage... and get a lab top. that way i can carry my nerdiness around with me to various, more appropriate surroundings for my creative outlet to enjoy.

on the other hand... if anyone has a space (with a computer) that they could let me commandeer for a few hours a couple times a week... letting me put up silly little pictures and knicknacks and things... i'd greatly appreciate it. that would also help keep me on track because i'd actually have to get up, get dressed and go somewhere instead of this half pajama half underwear slug thing i have going for me at present.

ok. that's enough for the moment. tootles.

my stomach hurts. my calves now itch with the half a dozen new mosquito bites they collected this evening. i'm tired and smelling of coffee goo. and i'm dreading the dentist tomorrow morning... not to mention my closing shift.

thank god for harry potter on cd.

it is a very odd sort of thing to sit at a table with 4 men... all who you were romantically/hormonally involved with during your adolescence.

it is a very sad sort of thing when you realize that all of them... are still exactly the same as they used to be.

but then again... so am i.

keep ringing in my head...

so i was yelled at a few days ago. screamed at. given a good talking to. and while i would like to think that because we were in a loud bar... that was probably the reason why the volume was so loud... knowing this person for such a long time now... he probably would have been even louder if he had the opportunity.

now that was a run on sentence.

we were talking about one of my new "fourth of july" friends... when he just lost it. he looked at me, in the way a person looks at someone they'd like to kick in the face yet smother into their chest with their arms around them simultaneously. apparently i have this effect on people.

he just verbally threw up on me. and i can't get the words to leave me alone.

"do you realize how intelligent you are? don't you know that you deserve nothing but the best? instead of these retards!"

and his luminous girlfriend sat next to him with a supportive glance at me and a heart-felt "yeah!"

i was being lectured for settling. or even entertaining the idea of settling. even just for a fling. he didn't mean to lecture. i think he was just trying to make me feel better and realize this guy was not worth my time. another friend of mine compared me to another friend of his... in that we look at those around us and wonder why they have someone and we don't... and we get selfconscious and bitter and hate on those people because "we deserve someone."

but it comes down to this... no one deserves anyone. love is not something you can keep track of, ration out, or put on a schedule. just because someone is a good person and would be an excellent partner doesn't mean that they are entitled to the love of a lifetime. some people are just destined to be alone. some people don't have a romantical soul mate.

i am in no way implying that i think i am one of those people... but i am trying to work it out for myself that if i am one... i can be ok with that. maybe love isn't a lesson i need to learn right now. i mean let's face it- i'm well researched in the area. maybe my journey is a predominantly solo one. i take things from everyone i come in contact with. i learn from every single person in my life... whether i kiss them or not.

and what if the love of my life is someone that may be "undeserving"? what if i fall for someone who isn't as... whatever... as i am? should i not love them then? should i save my love for someone who fills out my checklist of good qualities?

a person's relationship with another person is a private thing. there is no way anyone outside of that relationship will ever know or understand that relationship. therefore... anyone's relationship with anyone else really is no one else's domain. i don't mean to say that opinions cannot be made and expressed... but it is a fact of life that people will have multiple special relationships throughout their lives. and they will mean different things for each person involved.

comparing one's relationship with a person to someone else's relationship with that same person is just a nightmare. it shouldn't be done. your relationship with someone is like that for a reason. accept that and work with that and don't worry about their relationships with others. if this is a significant other... you should have enough faith and trust in that relationship to realize that it is a special one and that there is still room in your lives for other special bonds.

so in short, just because a situation might scream RED LIGHT RED LIGHT to you doesn't mean that to someone else the relationship could be a special one. you learn from bad relationships and develop your ideas about what a good relationship is from them. that's why i don't believe that you should spend years of your adolescent life with one person. you need to experience other people and different kinds of relationships before you can find and be certain and confident in the one you like the most. and even if i have been stagnant in the romantical relationship category for quite some time... i am still learning and growing from my relationships with people.

my lips are out of practice, though. i hope it's like riding a bike.

ramble ramble.

i'm not settling. people who don't settle, though... they end up being alone a lot of the time. and that's lonely. duh. don't hate on me for be honest about my longing. and another thing. this is what i love. these kinds of issues. relationships. people. i study them. i want to help them. work with them. a lot of people say that i think about these things too much and that it isn't healthy.

well i don't say that it isn't healthy to think about cars all the time. or music. or sports. people think about things that they like. that they learn from. it just so happens that mine is being in search of a deeper meaning... being curious about people and how they work. if that makes me a hyperly aware rambling psycho then so be it.

a fanatic is just someone who is interested more than you are.

sorry if it scares you... but you know me. you know my site. if you have a problem with reading these kinds of rants then you might not want to read my page anymore. because this is me and it's what i love.

i haven't been writing a lot lately and i'm irritated at myself. everyone should have something that they do for themselves as pure enjoyment. and i haven't been letting myself indulge. so no more formulating cute posts to entertain the masses. i'm sure those will come out every once in a while but i'm not making an effort anymore.

the best part about posting is totally clicking publish and then reading what i wrote for the first time.

blue ballin'

for research purposes, please... read the bitter club and help us out.

the hunt begins

yep. i'm looking for new jobs. and that s is there on purpose. as in i want multiple jobs. because this being in the same place all day everyday with only one thing to do over and over is just not going to work for me. ever. i am slacking on my page, my writing, my arts and crafts, my social life... and for what? fucking lattes?!?!?!?!

LAME.

so part time it is, then. definitely going to follow in lindz and theresa's steps and take a crack at waiting tables. any suggestions on rad restaurants to work for would be appreciated. also looking into some service/childcare work... my first inquiry is for the city of g'burg. thems good people over there.

and i have decided that i am also going to work part-time with QO's colorguard. this will be my volunteer, personal induglence activity. as well as the black and white, which i have also been pushing aside for shultz.

frankly, today at work i realized that i am limiting my self to starbux because i think i'll miss out on something. the fact of the matter is... i know my shit. and even if i go into asst. management... the only thing i will really learn are the programs starbux has set up for administrative purposes. that is not worth 8 more months of my life, thank you. they begged me to stay... they said things would change... and absolutely nothing has happened. i am having a lot more fun calling people on their shit but that really serves no purpose if they aren't going to change. i'm going to see if i can transfer stores and demote myself... but if that doesn't happen then i'm out. no big deal. definitely their loss.

if i'm going to go out... i'll do it in flames.

the dream lives on...

so everyone has been asking me about my 4th of july. mainly because i pretty much set out to defy the dream i mentioned a few blogs ago. my outfit, while not strategically picked, was one of those that even fashion retards like myself look in the mirror and say to themselves "well hello there, sex kitten." my destination, while not the prime 'hey baby wanna hook up' location, was a party attended by quite a large number of college baseball players. it was just the perfect night to be on.

and goodness me, was i on.

to plead the 5th, in a sense, i will spare you. i am finding that my sitcom/drama of a life has more juice to it than fiction. i am really having major moral dillemas about putting things up here that involve other people in my life. i don't want my friends and family and anyone who talks to me ever to fear that i might use them in my writing... and in a sense expose them to the masses.

i guess im just saying that if you all buy one of my books later on down the road and you read something that blatantly involved you... chances are... it was about you. the truth is too good to change it. i apologize in advance. maybe i should just save all of my writing and leave it to someone to have it published after i'm dead. that way i can't hurt anyone or get in trouble.

yeah... good plan.

i hate the word error.

Sex in the City

This is going to be trouble for me. I saw the first half of season one last night... I had never seen ANY of the show before (I know I know, it's a sad life without HBO). Aside from the smart writing, the hot people, the new york setting and the obviously sizzling subjects... this show actually gets my brain working. Kevin kept looking at me and making exclamations about how that's SO something I would think/say/do. and while I was at first flattered yet appalled at these comments... now all I can do is think about how I escaped seeing this for so long.

I mean, I could easily refer back to a dinner at friday's sometime last year where 3 of my friends went on casting each of us as characters. I could easily make some morphed version of carrie and miranda into the character that I would consider myself to be. I could easily praise and shmooze about how they are SO RIGHT about all of the issues they cover. I could also curse you all for not sitting me down and forcing me to watch the show for the last, what... FOUR years.

but i'd rather just gloat and smile smugly to myself because I have found some fuel for my brain that will last me at least a month. mental stimulation is key.

so for now... i'll give you all some of my responses to a few of the things i've seen:

Mr. Big: I mean, obviously he will be my primary focus. Duh. We all know that love stories are always the same. But watching this show has made me realize just how similar. The love of your life is supposed to be some recurring cameo character. You meet in retarded places and situations and share cute little moments. Then you turn around and realize that they were there all along and tada!!! love smush.

But see... this will not work for me. I am too aware. About myself and other people. There will never be some random person that I have brush ups with without noting them. I figured out years ago that if you put me in a pseudo romantical type situation with ANYONE... I will make something of it. SO if you are sitting there thinking to yourself as to whether or not we have had a moment... the answer is simply yes. many of them.

Friends: Kevin said that the worst thing about shows like this is that they make him envious and longing for a close-nit set of friends. But in my opinion, that's just not possible in this society. We are taught to be an individual, look out for number one, concentrate on our careers, and live independently. There is no way that four ridiculously successful women living in new york, for heaven's sake, could have that much free time to spend together. It makes me thankful for the people who have had staying power in my life no matter how close we are.

now now, we know I always hafta end it with some sap. i'm just like an episode of full house.

a quick link before i go crash for 4 hours...

hahahaha. i rule.

because, you know, only I could ever have the most blue-balled wet dream ever created. i can't even get some in my dreams. the whole dream was myself in pursuit of fornication. that's all. i mean, i planned everything... from underwear to my perfume to my lip gloss to the words i said to the way i stood... now i think i finally understand how the majority of the female population lives their lives. ::cough:: yes, i am a hater.

anyway, the dream blew... ahem... because i didn't come up with anything. and i went after anything that had the aura of "penis."

yes. i just wanted to announce to the 20 or so of you who read this that i am extremely frustrated... so much so that even freud would simply wave his hand in the air and tell me to go buy a vibrator without even entertaining the latent meanings of my dreams. and you know what? i'm not afraid to admit it.

while i am aware that this post leaves me open to jokes and smart remarks and retarded "i'll defrustrate you" propositions... screw you all. this is my page and i'm not going to edit out things that might make me look bad.

maybe tonight's adventures will provide a way for me to alleviate some of this pain. let us keepeth the fingers crossethed.

karaoke

so i finally did it. insert big cheesie grin here.

kinya, rick and myself met up with my professional singer friend, kevin, at grand billiards to pop my singing cherry. and man did it feel good.

i was surprised to see that many people there... and there are cute guys galore. kevin proved himself queen of the joint by singing don't let the sun go down on me. god he's good. and there was even a girl there who was dressed like me who sang the freaking song i wanted to sing... i want you to want me, done by letters to cleo. freaking resident karaoke liz wanna be. she was good as hell. not that i'm jealous or anything.

after wasting at least an hour trying to decide on a song... i went with what i know. "i do," by lisa loeb. and i think i did pretty well, aside from the shaking mic. too bad kevin had to bail before i went on... but i think that might have been a good thing because it took pressure off of me.

apparently i wasn't the only one who thought i did well... the guy running the show called me up at the end to perform again!! weee! no night is complete without some drama, right?! well this was the best drama ever. i did "right here waiting," by richard marx. not as good as the first one, but i felt more comfortable. and i almost got a little teary-eyed while i sang. sigh.

and kinya topped off the night by singing "thank you," by dido... her breathy little voice is so gosh darn cute... i almost had to make out with her for that one.


i think we have a new wednesday tradition on our hands, folks.

my tree type

wow.

Cedar
Confidence

of rare beauty
knows how to adapt
likes luxury
of good health
not in the least shy
tends to look down on others
self-confident
determined
impatient
wants to impress others
many talents
industrious
healthy optimism
waiting for the one true love
able to make quick decisions

do we agree or disagree?

thnx to eric for letting me steal it from here.

yer mom is on fire today. must be the heartburn.

::yawn:: i really wanna go back to bed.