I am sort of mad at myself that I am not taking the opportunity to write while I am in Connecticut.
The sort of is because that I need a time out from the internest I have built for myself. And I need to let the creative juices get recharged and overflowing again.
But I am having such a good time here… I feel like I should be documenting it.
So like I said… I’m sort of mad.
For those of you out of the loop (which would be all of you except my bro, my cousins and their friends), the reason I am still in Connecticut is because I quit the advertising job and needed to prolong the inevitable doom of going back to my unemployed routine again. I haven’t heard back from them at all either… so that’s a good sign that they hate me. And that doesn’t exactly make me feel fuzzy.
But I digress.
I have made a commitment to myself and admitted it to one of my roommates about a week or so ago. I feel as though I should share this with all of you so when I go back on it you can scold me.
I am not going to randomly hook up with anyone again.
Hold on, sillies… I don’t mean EVER again. But I do mean until I actually go on a date or two and actually envision a REAL (as opposed to an imagined and painfully idealistic and unpossible) chance of a deeper relationship with someone.
A conversation I had last night with one of my hook-upers opened up a window on how empty and bored I am with physical attraction. It just makes me sad now. Because I know and appreciate how amazing being physically close with someone is… but also know how much better it could be with that mental closeness too. So instead of a physical release… all I get is a reminder about the hole I’m in mentally.
So yeah. No more hookups. Dates. Yes. I WILL go on dates.
Daily affirmations can work. Right?
Monday, June 28, 2004
::neener neener::
i don't hafta post shit because i'm hiding out in connecticut.
and i don't think i'm coming back.
ever.
... or at least until thursday.
and i don't think i'm coming back.
ever.
... or at least until thursday.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
I bet I could be setting a record here.
Liz met Joe. Joe met Liz. Joe wondered how on earth Liz got called back for a second round interview with no marketing or accounting experience, no management experience with a staff greater than 10, and a degree in a completely unrelated field.
Liz chuckled and thought, “Because Liz kicks ass.”
Soon, Joe came to realize that Liz kicked ass. He became comfortable and goofy, and the day turned into one long insult fight instead of a training interview.
Matt, Joe’s teammate for the day also noticed that Liz kicked ass. Matt bought Liz water and made fun of her sunburn. Liz had the final laugh, though. Matt left his keys in his ignition all day long and his battery died. Liz found a guy with jumper cables.
Matt even tried to display his superior music taste and knowledge when testing Liz on Jay-Z’s Black Album.
We’ve all got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. Except Matt, of course. Matt’s got girl problems and Liz feels bad for you, son. THEN Matt had the nerve to try to play the same song again. Liz calmly called him a poseur, single-loving, teenie-bopper groupie.
Liz won.
When back at the office, Liz was toyed with by the other staff members. Liz was ok with this because they were all hot, young males. Apparently men are drawn more to advertising.
Joe asked Liz to fill out a questionnaire… and then proceeded to sneak her the correct answers. Liz had not been nervous since about noon.
But then Joe brought Liz outside and with a solemn look on his face he told me to get the fuck inside and go on to my third round interview.
Liz was caught up in an adrenaline rush. Eric was sly and sarcastic in the final interview, asking me about health insurances (Liz did used to work in a doctor’s office, you know). Eric then said that he wasn’t sure about hiring Liz and that it would be left up to Joe.
Eric left the room. Liz smiles.
Joes walks in and is told to congratulate Liz. Hugs and high fives abound.
Liz gets home. Has excellent steak and chicken dinner cooked by her lovely wife, Dorothy. Friends come over in honor of Liz’s employment.
Liz opens her day planner. Liz sees all of the events she has scheduled with family, friends and the guards. Liz suddenly realizes that a full time job that ends at 7pm daily would not be conducive to all of these previous commitments.
Liz wants to die inside.
Priority me this and priority that… Liz has made her decision already. The question really is, how do you quit a job before you even start?
Liz chuckled and thought, “Because Liz kicks ass.”
Soon, Joe came to realize that Liz kicked ass. He became comfortable and goofy, and the day turned into one long insult fight instead of a training interview.
Matt, Joe’s teammate for the day also noticed that Liz kicked ass. Matt bought Liz water and made fun of her sunburn. Liz had the final laugh, though. Matt left his keys in his ignition all day long and his battery died. Liz found a guy with jumper cables.
Matt even tried to display his superior music taste and knowledge when testing Liz on Jay-Z’s Black Album.
We’ve all got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. Except Matt, of course. Matt’s got girl problems and Liz feels bad for you, son. THEN Matt had the nerve to try to play the same song again. Liz calmly called him a poseur, single-loving, teenie-bopper groupie.
Liz won.
When back at the office, Liz was toyed with by the other staff members. Liz was ok with this because they were all hot, young males. Apparently men are drawn more to advertising.
Joe asked Liz to fill out a questionnaire… and then proceeded to sneak her the correct answers. Liz had not been nervous since about noon.
But then Joe brought Liz outside and with a solemn look on his face he told me to get the fuck inside and go on to my third round interview.
Liz was caught up in an adrenaline rush. Eric was sly and sarcastic in the final interview, asking me about health insurances (Liz did used to work in a doctor’s office, you know). Eric then said that he wasn’t sure about hiring Liz and that it would be left up to Joe.
Eric left the room. Liz smiles.
Joes walks in and is told to congratulate Liz. Hugs and high fives abound.
Liz gets home. Has excellent steak and chicken dinner cooked by her lovely wife, Dorothy. Friends come over in honor of Liz’s employment.
Liz opens her day planner. Liz sees all of the events she has scheduled with family, friends and the guards. Liz suddenly realizes that a full time job that ends at 7pm daily would not be conducive to all of these previous commitments.
Liz wants to die inside.
Priority me this and priority that… Liz has made her decision already. The question really is, how do you quit a job before you even start?
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Friday, June 18, 2004
filler
you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
thanx, stacy poo
it wasn't love
... it was just an idea.
the hope of something different
something special
something new
i fell in love
with the idea... of you.
it was never
just a hook up for me
more like a secret,
indulgent mystery
your body
offended me, it was so cocky
your eyes
stayed close the entire time
were you scared to see
something less than your idea of me?
it wasn't love... it was just an idea.
the hope of something different
something special
something new
i fell in love
with the idea... of you.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
hey liz.
soooooooooo, i had an interview yesterday.
posh advertising company. totally not my scene. if it weren't for the "no experience necessary" and the "non-profit organizations" they promote.
so i roll on up to baltimore for a preliminary. i walk in the room and start to chit chat with the guy at the reception desk. mention how gross and humid it is. talk about how i wish i could be wearing jeans. i even cussed in front of this guy.
i sit down in a waiting room with what looks like a young republicans meeting. powersuits and stilletos out the ass. greasy ponytails, pulled back tight at the base of their neck (parted on the side, of course). leather briefcases oozing with resumes and references and pseudo important paperwork.
and me... with my frizzy hair, borrowed skirt, tame heels, simple black short-sleeved shirt covered in cat hair, my biker messenger bag and my neon blue plastic folder containing nothing put my resume.
so i sit there trying to bullshit with a tom cruise look-a-like and some overly aggressive bitch from Pitt. it doesn't work. i make jokes about the stuffy environment and say that i should have gone for the warehouse job instead, all the while making eyecontact with reception guy.
i sit there for an hour. watching all of the just graduated big shot kids file in and out of the back office. but receptionist guy is gone. lunch break, i guess.
imagine my (lack of) surprise when karma showed her face. i'm called back into another office to lock eyes with who? yeah. receptionist guy. HE'S doing the interviews.
"Please... call me Liz."
"Lemme guess, you don't like Elizabeth."
"No, I do... I just have that automatic 'i'm in trouble' reaction whenever someone calls me that."
i was blushing so hard at that moment words cannot express the heat coming from my face. ick sweaty hands. quick! rub them off on your skirt before the handshake!!
ugh. at this point i figure that i have blown any shot i had. so decide to just put away my game and try not to combust from embarrassment and lack of professionalism.
i make a joke about how badly i need health insurance. and about how the only reason i even considered this job was because of the non-profits. he mentioned some of their other clients like NASCAR and i almost fall out of my chair laughing because my roommates would shit themselves if i get to work with the hotties. Jamie McMurry much? ::insert hot fantasy here::
focus, liz.
"tonight from 5-7 we will be calling 3 or 4 people back for all day training interviews."
i think to myself that there are over 30 people comin through. this is his pity coming out to let me know i was not going to be picked.
i tell him my best quality is my openness. second best is my creativity and energy. i don't want to be behind a cubicle. i want to be working with people.
he asks me if i mind travel. HA! mind????
i get up to leave.
"good luck with everything if i don't hear from you."
"thank you, liz."
exit. stage left.
i try to distract myself from the rest of the afternoon at the starbux in colombia i am applying to. the manager and i clicked well. explained that i was waiting on a few leads, but that i'd love to work some part time opening shifts. she was all about it.
at least something good came of the day.
i went home, ate. watched singles. damnit i need to stop romantic comedies. seriously. they are NOT good for my heart. make a tennis date with a few friends for 7pm.
sit and try to pretend i'm not waiting for the phone to ring.
5pm.
5:15pm.
5:30pm.
5:32pm.
nothing.
i get up. start coloring with crayons (i'll post pix real soon). i got lost in the picture, because at 6pm when the phone rang i almost didn't get up to see who it was. i usually don't even bother with the house phone.
after the longest 30 seconds of my life, it clicks that MAYBE i would want to take a look.
"Hi Liz."
"Heh. Thanks for remembering."
"Congratulations."
posh advertising company. totally not my scene. if it weren't for the "no experience necessary" and the "non-profit organizations" they promote.
so i roll on up to baltimore for a preliminary. i walk in the room and start to chit chat with the guy at the reception desk. mention how gross and humid it is. talk about how i wish i could be wearing jeans. i even cussed in front of this guy.
i sit down in a waiting room with what looks like a young republicans meeting. powersuits and stilletos out the ass. greasy ponytails, pulled back tight at the base of their neck (parted on the side, of course). leather briefcases oozing with resumes and references and pseudo important paperwork.
and me... with my frizzy hair, borrowed skirt, tame heels, simple black short-sleeved shirt covered in cat hair, my biker messenger bag and my neon blue plastic folder containing nothing put my resume.
so i sit there trying to bullshit with a tom cruise look-a-like and some overly aggressive bitch from Pitt. it doesn't work. i make jokes about the stuffy environment and say that i should have gone for the warehouse job instead, all the while making eyecontact with reception guy.
i sit there for an hour. watching all of the just graduated big shot kids file in and out of the back office. but receptionist guy is gone. lunch break, i guess.
imagine my (lack of) surprise when karma showed her face. i'm called back into another office to lock eyes with who? yeah. receptionist guy. HE'S doing the interviews.
"Please... call me Liz."
"Lemme guess, you don't like Elizabeth."
"No, I do... I just have that automatic 'i'm in trouble' reaction whenever someone calls me that."
i was blushing so hard at that moment words cannot express the heat coming from my face. ick sweaty hands. quick! rub them off on your skirt before the handshake!!
ugh. at this point i figure that i have blown any shot i had. so decide to just put away my game and try not to combust from embarrassment and lack of professionalism.
i make a joke about how badly i need health insurance. and about how the only reason i even considered this job was because of the non-profits. he mentioned some of their other clients like NASCAR and i almost fall out of my chair laughing because my roommates would shit themselves if i get to work with the hotties. Jamie McMurry much? ::insert hot fantasy here::
focus, liz.
"tonight from 5-7 we will be calling 3 or 4 people back for all day training interviews."
i think to myself that there are over 30 people comin through. this is his pity coming out to let me know i was not going to be picked.
i tell him my best quality is my openness. second best is my creativity and energy. i don't want to be behind a cubicle. i want to be working with people.
he asks me if i mind travel. HA! mind????
i get up to leave.
"good luck with everything if i don't hear from you."
"thank you, liz."
exit. stage left.
i try to distract myself from the rest of the afternoon at the starbux in colombia i am applying to. the manager and i clicked well. explained that i was waiting on a few leads, but that i'd love to work some part time opening shifts. she was all about it.
at least something good came of the day.
i went home, ate. watched singles. damnit i need to stop romantic comedies. seriously. they are NOT good for my heart. make a tennis date with a few friends for 7pm.
sit and try to pretend i'm not waiting for the phone to ring.
5pm.
5:15pm.
5:30pm.
5:32pm.
nothing.
i get up. start coloring with crayons (i'll post pix real soon). i got lost in the picture, because at 6pm when the phone rang i almost didn't get up to see who it was. i usually don't even bother with the house phone.
after the longest 30 seconds of my life, it clicks that MAYBE i would want to take a look.
"Hi Liz."
"Heh. Thanks for remembering."
"Congratulations."
Monday, June 14, 2004
if i've said this before, i apologize.
but sometimes redundancy helps to get the point across.
if there is one thing in the world that can ruin a friendship...
it's genitals.
we do stupid things to people we love in the name of genitals. it is amazing how the priorities change as soon as some idealistic notion of romance comes waltzing in attached to a fine looking vagina.
there should be two scales of importance in this world. "sans genitals" and "woo woo areas."
and one should alert the masses when a change from one scale to the other occurs. it's the least you can do.
it's hard to accept that your place on one scale is much different from your place on the other. especially when the move is a downward one.
i just hope it's worth it, boys and girls. because, well... i clearly wouldn't know.
but sometimes redundancy helps to get the point across.
if there is one thing in the world that can ruin a friendship...
it's genitals.
we do stupid things to people we love in the name of genitals. it is amazing how the priorities change as soon as some idealistic notion of romance comes waltzing in attached to a fine looking vagina.
there should be two scales of importance in this world. "sans genitals" and "woo woo areas."
and one should alert the masses when a change from one scale to the other occurs. it's the least you can do.
it's hard to accept that your place on one scale is much different from your place on the other. especially when the move is a downward one.
i just hope it's worth it, boys and girls. because, well... i clearly wouldn't know.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
dr. atkins is rolling over in his grave
mad props to MariB for this one...
i really couldn't have summed up my opinion on the subject better than this.
people are always looking for a fix. someone else to do the work/thinking for them. i fall victim to it too... i mean even blogger is a nice cheat for publishing a website.
but this is YOUR HEALTH we are talking about people.
i am no saint on this subject... but i live how i like and eat what i want and realize how it will affect my body. and i'm pretty damn proud of that.
and i'm also pretty damn proud of the fact that i can eat bread and pasta and beer that actually tastes like beer.
go carbs!
i really couldn't have summed up my opinion on the subject better than this.
people are always looking for a fix. someone else to do the work/thinking for them. i fall victim to it too... i mean even blogger is a nice cheat for publishing a website.
but this is YOUR HEALTH we are talking about people.
i am no saint on this subject... but i live how i like and eat what i want and realize how it will affect my body. and i'm pretty damn proud of that.
and i'm also pretty damn proud of the fact that i can eat bread and pasta and beer that actually tastes like beer.
go carbs!
this is where the love is.
right fucking here.
i tell you... i've never been knocked so hard on my ass.
seriously. that just made my life complete.
all this time i've been searching so hard for a man... turns out between my dad and my brother... there really isn't much room left.
who knew?
i tell you... i've never been knocked so hard on my ass.
seriously. that just made my life complete.
all this time i've been searching so hard for a man... turns out between my dad and my brother... there really isn't much room left.
who knew?
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
i do NOT accept, thank YOU very much.
courtney love has mad anger issues. i think she should change her name to courtney hate. i mean she's tainting one of my favorite words. unacceptable. and don't even get me started on her husband.
speaking of bitches, this J-Lo and Mark Anthony thing WAS cute... until they started comparing her to the REAL sex mommas of the world (Liz Taylor and Zsa Zsa). UNacceptable!
has anyone heard anything about the new reality tv show that is american idolish? the winner gets to tour with the rock band "in access" (who?) as their front man/lead singer person. if it isn't completely ridiculous and they are casting locally... i think i might just hafta try.
i'm serious.
traffic around here has gotten OUT of control. it is simply not cute anymore. every single time i have had to travel on the beltway in the past two weeks i have spent over 40 minutes on the damn thing. and again... UNACCEPTABLE!! i'm seriously going to start metroing everywhere.
especially after the day i had today...
speaking of bitches, this J-Lo and Mark Anthony thing WAS cute... until they started comparing her to the REAL sex mommas of the world (Liz Taylor and Zsa Zsa). UNacceptable!
has anyone heard anything about the new reality tv show that is american idolish? the winner gets to tour with the rock band "in access" (who?) as their front man/lead singer person. if it isn't completely ridiculous and they are casting locally... i think i might just hafta try.
i'm serious.
traffic around here has gotten OUT of control. it is simply not cute anymore. every single time i have had to travel on the beltway in the past two weeks i have spent over 40 minutes on the damn thing. and again... UNACCEPTABLE!! i'm seriously going to start metroing everywhere.
especially after the day i had today...
warning: not really worth the read
i worked my kids hard today. worked myself harder. the legs hurt. but i think it is worth it because my quad muscles are really becoming more defined. they kinda match my calves now. one of the girls called me a powerhouse. made me blush.
last night my brother and i went out to dinner (just the two of us!!) and then i set the doode up with his very own blog. don't hate right away, people... he's just getting started.
i just finished my cover letter for a job i'm applying for. it's a motivational speaker for high school groups. i even had to send a 5 minute video of me speaking. that was quite interesting trying to get that done with my roommates. they helped me out HUGE. i think i've got a shot. fingers crossed.
i'm sorry this post is crap. i'm just tired and unpoetic right now. don't want to think about grammar anymore. am sick of trying to sell myself on paper to people. have hallucinations of spinning objects all over the place.
tomorrow i get to go to constitution hall for a graduation right in the middle of the Reagan DC mess. that will rock. maybe that will give me a story to write about. yes.
and as an end note... it really pisses me off that blogger's spellcheck thinks "blog" is a misspelled word.
last night my brother and i went out to dinner (just the two of us!!) and then i set the doode up with his very own blog. don't hate right away, people... he's just getting started.
i just finished my cover letter for a job i'm applying for. it's a motivational speaker for high school groups. i even had to send a 5 minute video of me speaking. that was quite interesting trying to get that done with my roommates. they helped me out HUGE. i think i've got a shot. fingers crossed.
i'm sorry this post is crap. i'm just tired and unpoetic right now. don't want to think about grammar anymore. am sick of trying to sell myself on paper to people. have hallucinations of spinning objects all over the place.
tomorrow i get to go to constitution hall for a graduation right in the middle of the Reagan DC mess. that will rock. maybe that will give me a story to write about. yes.
and as an end note... it really pisses me off that blogger's spellcheck thinks "blog" is a misspelled word.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
i made a girl cry today.
a girl that i have made laugh and smile before. a girl i let into my world. a girl who let me help her open the doors into hers. but now i am afraid that because of the decisions made... she will slam those doors shut again. this time barring and locking them.
it may not seem like such a big thing to anyone else. but she found a home in winterguard. and we took it all away.
... all because we needed an even number.
it may not seem like such a big thing to anyone else. but she found a home in winterguard. and we took it all away.
... all because we needed an even number.
Monday, June 07, 2004
this ain't no pool for swimmin in
last night i had a dream that i was at my childhood playground with a bunch of my old crew growing up. people were at the pool, but i was pushing a little girl on the swings and taking pix of her. then my first real boyfriend ever came rolling down on his skateboard. to this day my heart still skips a beat when i hear the sound of the wheels clicking over the cracks in the sidewalk.
but he and i start talking and there is this urgency for us to leave. and we walk to my backyard and sit on the patio. and this is where it gets bad, folks. he talks about his life... what's going on with him... all of his problems and how he's turning himself around (i know like i haven't heard this shit before)... but he means it. he's sincere and genuine and he's confessing his love for me and he kisses me. the sun goes down around us and when we open our eyes it is dark and it starts to lightly rain.
i felt what being in love was like again.
this is SO PITIFUL. i have a problem with leaning on my past relationships to get me through lonely periods. i consider them safe and comforting and i hang on to them when NOTHING is there anymore.
i know this is because my current pool of options is ALL dried out. i can't even stretch anymore. i can't settle for drum guy because we don't really speak, my fantasy hook up partner turned in a piss-poor performance and shattered any hope of that, my ex and i are not on good terms after our "deep" discussion that night, don't even get me started on the married men, or the gay men, and i don't even have and internet crush!!!!
whine whine bitch bitch whatever. i'm going to go fold laundry and then go to guard practice. since everyone thinks i'm going to end up a spinster anyway, i might as well get started on acting like one.
BAH!
but he and i start talking and there is this urgency for us to leave. and we walk to my backyard and sit on the patio. and this is where it gets bad, folks. he talks about his life... what's going on with him... all of his problems and how he's turning himself around (i know like i haven't heard this shit before)... but he means it. he's sincere and genuine and he's confessing his love for me and he kisses me. the sun goes down around us and when we open our eyes it is dark and it starts to lightly rain.
i felt what being in love was like again.
this is SO PITIFUL. i have a problem with leaning on my past relationships to get me through lonely periods. i consider them safe and comforting and i hang on to them when NOTHING is there anymore.
i know this is because my current pool of options is ALL dried out. i can't even stretch anymore. i can't settle for drum guy because we don't really speak, my fantasy hook up partner turned in a piss-poor performance and shattered any hope of that, my ex and i are not on good terms after our "deep" discussion that night, don't even get me started on the married men, or the gay men, and i don't even have and internet crush!!!!
whine whine bitch bitch whatever. i'm going to go fold laundry and then go to guard practice. since everyone thinks i'm going to end up a spinster anyway, i might as well get started on acting like one.
BAH!
Sunday, June 06, 2004
This storm is brewin' just for you, bebi
well, well, well...
my two colorguards are off to a roaring start with tryouts. it's nice to already have the entire month of august booked up with band camp schedules. i might also be going away to Westchester, PA under-cover again the last week in july.
oh the hotness.
AND i finalized plans to visit the fam up in connecticut in 2 weeks (AMY AND STACY IF YOU GET YOUR CRAP TOGETHER WE COULD GET WINGS AND BEER!!!!). i am uber excited about this trip. it will be my brother and i all on our own. i predict either major bonding or major fighting. maybe both. yeah. both.
this leaves me with a scattered 6 weeks of summer to get some sort of income before i can commit to a full time job anywhere.
i cannot believe i am actually admitting this... but i was considering starbux.
i know, i know. shut up.
aside from that, i'm just busy doing a lot of shmoozing at the graduation parties of my high school kids. the food is free and the idle chit-chat is actually quite helpful for my networking.
ok. i need to get my sleeping patterns back to some sort of normalcy. goodnight, my loves.
my two colorguards are off to a roaring start with tryouts. it's nice to already have the entire month of august booked up with band camp schedules. i might also be going away to Westchester, PA under-cover again the last week in july.
oh the hotness.
AND i finalized plans to visit the fam up in connecticut in 2 weeks (AMY AND STACY IF YOU GET YOUR CRAP TOGETHER WE COULD GET WINGS AND BEER!!!!). i am uber excited about this trip. it will be my brother and i all on our own. i predict either major bonding or major fighting. maybe both. yeah. both.
this leaves me with a scattered 6 weeks of summer to get some sort of income before i can commit to a full time job anywhere.
i cannot believe i am actually admitting this... but i was considering starbux.
i know, i know. shut up.
aside from that, i'm just busy doing a lot of shmoozing at the graduation parties of my high school kids. the food is free and the idle chit-chat is actually quite helpful for my networking.
ok. i need to get my sleeping patterns back to some sort of normalcy. goodnight, my loves.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
lost in a conversation i have yet to have.
i superglue
my feelings for you
in an effort
to make them stick.
dropped down from a ceiling
that was way too high
we fell tumbling overnight,
long ago and far away
this time you didn't ask me to stay.
and now my mind is set
on a conversation that hasn't happened yet.
i'm aching for someone new
who reminds me--just enough--of you.
oh to be that cliche
sitting in a coffee shop just
wasting away
over words
written down instead of heard
kept inside
instead of given to the world
watching everyone else
instead of looking at myself
wondering
what special things
they all have inside
and if they're anything
like mine
i watch him through
window reflections
secretly showering him
with my eyes' affections.
if only you boys paid more
attention
and weren't so damn scared of
rejection.
i'd write your love poems for you...
and then i'd read them to myself
my way with words has its
way with me
and i fall in love with
what could be
my feelings for you
in an effort
to make them stick.
dropped down from a ceiling
that was way too high
we fell tumbling overnight,
long ago and far away
this time you didn't ask me to stay.
and now my mind is set
on a conversation that hasn't happened yet.
i'm aching for someone new
who reminds me--just enough--of you.
oh to be that cliche
sitting in a coffee shop just
wasting away
over words
written down instead of heard
kept inside
instead of given to the world
watching everyone else
instead of looking at myself
wondering
what special things
they all have inside
and if they're anything
like mine
i watch him through
window reflections
secretly showering him
with my eyes' affections.
if only you boys paid more
attention
and weren't so damn scared of
rejection.
i'd write your love poems for you...
and then i'd read them to myself
my way with words has its
way with me
and i fall in love with
what could be
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
have i ever "fucked" for "fuck's" sake?
well... yes.
but i can't say as though i've ever been able to get sexually intimate with someone that i didn't have thoughts about creating a romantic relationship with. i have not been able to separate the cloud of romanticism from the storm of sexual desire.
ever.
and i don't know if i'm ok with that.
... are you?
but i can't say as though i've ever been able to get sexually intimate with someone that i didn't have thoughts about creating a romantic relationship with. i have not been able to separate the cloud of romanticism from the storm of sexual desire.
ever.
and i don't know if i'm ok with that.
... are you?
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
sky scraper ... plastic or paper?
on this cold and empty page
i dump my shallow and self-inflicted rage
scribbling away
the hurt that i put there...
in the first place
we jump eagerly
into the fiction that you-
so tenderly
pull from far away into view
i don't remember what urgency feels like
kisses are careless
lacking love... as well as life
blasted hotel harlot
screaming away at sex that no one can hear
so damaged
for control
so desperate
for soul
super model skinny?
this girl ain't no
thin lizzi.
shoot...
i dump my shallow and self-inflicted rage
scribbling away
the hurt that i put there...
in the first place
we jump eagerly
into the fiction that you-
so tenderly
pull from far away into view
i don't remember what urgency feels like
kisses are careless
lacking love... as well as life
blasted hotel harlot
screaming away at sex that no one can hear
so damaged
for control
so desperate
for soul
super model skinny?
this girl ain't no
thin lizzi.
shoot...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
