weeeenar!

l2icochet: if you weren't so damn attractive and funny and such a good person there'd be no reason at all to keep you around.

is it too early to write poetry yet?

sometimes i am afraid to write about boys when they first start to occupy my daydreams. you know... the jinx factor.

but more so than that... i'm afraid to put my premonitions down. afraid they will be oh so on point like they usually are. afraid that my writing them down or typing them up begins a sort of self fulfilling prophecy.

but maybe i'll indulge anyway because i'm sick like that.

we will wait. prolong the tingling feelings in our tummies. pretend we don't see the knowing glances. not talk about the hugs that last too long. fight like we hate each other. drink beer together until we forget that it's a school night and we both have to work in the morning. try not to look like buddies at work but fail miserably.

i will get frustrated that he won't make a move but stay interested because of the incessant flirting. eventually i will follow my impatience's lead and make the move myself.

we will have a nice relationship... possibly even a long term thing. but i'll always be waiting. wanting more. when the bubble pops i'll look around and see that there is no chance. and i'll move on.

sigh. that's the way love goes. i'll keep you posted. i'm still waiting for the day that someone proves these forethoughts wrong.

Tom Robbins just fueling my fire ...

"do you imagine that a bright trace of delight, unnamable and indefensible, might tickle your spine; could you feel in an odd way elated -- elated, perhaps, because, in a rational world where even disasters are familiar and damn near rutine, something of almost fairytale flavor had occurred?"

so we all know i'm bad at answering my phone and returning phone calls. i don't wear this on my sleeve as an excuse for "slacking off" or anything... i am just a firm believer that nothing i do is so important that i need to be "on call" for people all of the time. i mean i wear scrubs everyday to work, but it's just a front.

this being the case... people get mad at me because i don't follow through with my "obligations" to keep in regular contact with people. this could be a key to figuring out the "why liz gets written off by "friends" all of the time" issue. but enough of that.

i was just wondering if anyone else has a cell phone but doesn't like to use it. and if people get mad because you don't take the time out to just call and say "hey i can't talk but i got your message." i mean seriously, like... what a waste of a minute.

relax. take a breath. your life will go on without you knowing if i know that you called me for some small scale reason that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. i mean, i don't freak out and die when people don't call me back. it's silly. i guess i just wish everyone on the planet was like me in regards to this.

i check my messages. at least every other day. but unless i hear the words "hospital," "dying," "broken down," or "hot sex"... chances are that i'm not going to call you back right away. even if it is the biggest party of the year you gotta come last minute kinda thing.

i'm sorry... this socialite is just not in fast forward. y'all know i love you even when i don't call you back. and thank you to everyone who has realized this about me and who doesn't mind (rico, marib and lindz... that's YOU).

MWAH. enough of this boring rambling.

stolen blatantly from MariB's profile:

Irish girls are unique in their character; they're a combination of a girl, a mother, a hooker & a nun. They go from Bambi to Banshee in 3.7 seconds. They can bat their eyes or blacken yours. They can love you with a passion & make you feel like a king. Depending on their mood, they'll chastise you for drinking or match you pint for pint. They keep Irish men from killin' themselves & each other. Uncomprehendable but indispensable.

hehe. this kinda crap is wonderful. i'm all smilie now. ::raspberry::

as i type this... i hold 3 month old Nicki in my lap. she thinks the noise that the keys make when i press them is rather entertaining. she also has a thing for my right thumb, but we won't get into that.

nicki is being adopted this morning by Prissy, PA. this new development explains a lot about ms. priss... and has helped turned her code name into a term of endearment for me.

this whole thing is phenomenal. the child is absolutely adorable. and now she has a mommy and daddy. i wish them luck at their adoption hearing today.

man. i cannot think of a better way to start the week. screw you guys for now... but i guess i'll come back to the internet as soon as she starts crying. ::wink::

spikedwabbit: for someone who thinks about the stars all the time, you should know better than try to control it.

buy me this!!

looking at the starz makes me feel good about myself.

meow ...

i noticed that i wasn't the only one who lit up when i walked into the room this time.

and when he reached out and grabbed my hand... just because... just to say hello... i flew up into this whirlwind of puffy bunnies, string cheese and china silk.

don't ask.

but it was hot.

i remember a discussion from my favorite tv show (i was gunna link the website, but mscl.com is down)... about men and women who get all angry and loud with each other for no good reason.

i believe Mrs. Triske was asking Patty if Halley Loenthall and Grahm get along. and Patty got all quiet and said, lying through her teeth, "yes they get along fine, why?" and Lisa (i think that's her name) goes "because if they can get so angry and fight with each other it means that there is underlying passion there."

anybuddy care to discuss? i am just a wee bit curious.

Happy 19th Burfday, Brah!

damn. nineteen years old.

i'm sorry, mike... but in my mind you will always be five. just because i was eight... and that was probably the best time of my life. i wouldn't trade the bulk of my childhood for anything. and you, little brudder, you were one of the main reasons it was so good. you know what i'm talking about... before dad moved out.

we just always had so much fun. we played outside constantly... created our own little worlds with living room forts and basement lego/barbie kingdoms. you played soccer. i had dance class. day trips on saturdays... church and visiting grandma on sundays...

and i loved school. i was so good at it. i remember reading to you with mom before we went to sleep. ha! and those bang on the wall wars we used to have when we didn't want to go to sleep!

geeze, man. that was fourteen years ago. seems like yesterday.

doode, let's try to get back to that. i really do believe that is what life is all about.

...

and to continue my michael babbling... let's not forget to mention what a fine young man you have turned into. and when i say fine, i mean damn fooooiiiiiiiine. i'm not ashamed to say it. you're hot.

but that's not even half of the man you have become. you are the purest heart i know. there's no question. you are the quality kind of man that legends are built out of. honest, trust worthy and trusting... you work hard at what you love... and you don't let anything anyone says about you get you down.

i envy you, boss... at times i think you are more of a grown up than i am.

i wish you all the luck and love this life has to offer. and i hope you stay motivated to reach your dreams (and i have the list of them, damnit, so don't think i'm not checking them off as you go).

to the one best friend i know will never leave me. happy mother pooping birthday. i love you.

what have i done?

so i haven't really talked to anyone since before i moved. i am without internet and a home phone number (that i am aware of). the lack of intellectual exchange is starting to get to me.

as much as i hate my job... i want to stop talking about it.
and as much as i love my guard... i want to talk about something else.

i work all day long. i sit in the car for over 2 hours. i get home and am so tired that all i want to do is eat and relax... but then i end up falling asleep on the couch. i FELL ASLEEP watching the maryland game last night.

that's just sad.

i'm not complaining... i know i am in transition... i know things will change... i'm just feeling... stunted in my growth.

i miss things. and people. yeah...

i love old women who come into the office smelling the same way my grandmother on my father's side did before she died. totally makes me day.

that and the men who sign in using all capital letters.

a good sign.

considering my first clinic is today...

today should present a very positive influence for you, dear Leo. The energy at play will allow for such things as excellent decision-making. Things will go much quicker than usual, and cooperation from colleagues, a lot of physical energy and a sharp mind will support you. What more could you ask for? You may well find that most everything will go your way and laughter will fill the hours. Give yourself a big smile because there shouldn't be anything you can't handle!

i thank the electronic astrologist gods of msn for this decree from above.

Originally written Oct.6th before my solo trip to see Howie Day in concert:

the sun goes down
the books turn over
and the sparkles.
they happen by accident

in window panes
pretending to be mirrors
i see myself sitting in plush velvet
pretending to be creative

dress down and look up
sip your latte
from the waste of paper
you call a cup

it was silly of me
wanting to take the magic
out of the coffee house

this vanity
will be a weekly thing i think.

my pad collects
rebellious sugar grains
from various
condiment bars
around the city
as it waits
for me to add
the half and half.

all i need is a fucking beret and a drum and i'll be set.

/tool

stolen from kia

a little taste of liz by song titles only: Lisa Loeb

1. Are you male or female?: Let's Forget About It
2. Describe yourself: Firecracker
3. How do some people feel about you?: Guessing Games
4. How do you feel about yourself?: When All the Starz Were Falling
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Wishing Heart
6. Where would you rather be?: Dance With The Angels
7. Describe what you want to be: Someone You Should Know
8. Describe how you live: Truthfully
9. Describe how you love: The Way It Really Is
10. Share a few words of wisdom: You Don't Know Me

just do your thang... if it makes you feel better.

so i moved.

spent my first night in the new house last night after an evening of unpacking, pay per view and chili (without beans!!!).

love the house. love my room. love my roommates.

i'm just a little tired, though. i've been burning at both ends of my candle, as my daddi would say. tonight i plan on settling in a bit, buying some damn food and trying to relax.

i need to do some research on getting DSL installed.

until that happens, i will not have home internet access... so don't expect any layout changes for a bit. i'll only be able to post (as well as IM and email) while i'm at work... so that's a fair warning for anyone trying to get my attention.

and now i'd like to talk about colorguard. those of you who hate on this aspect of my life can stop reading.

so we drove on up to allentown, pennsylvania on saturday evening for USSBA championships. the band is in group 4A, which basically means the big dogs. we have around 100 kids in the band total... and i love every single smelly one of them. my squad has shrunk over the season from 12 to 7 (really, don't ask... if i was in charge... things would be way different)... so when you do the numbers... there just aren't enough flags on the field to get the visual impact a band this size needs.

DESPITE this fact... we came in second place... by ONE MOTHER POOPING TENTH OF A POINT. and do you know who we lost to?

a circus.

yes. you read correctly. a circus. the band had a big top tent on the field. and three huge circus rings. and those huge bouncy balls. and back drops. and stuffed animals. NOT TO MENTION 20 GUARD MEMBERS DRESSED IN CLOWN OUTFITS.

they bled money. custom custumes. custom flags. a set of 10ft flags. parasols. you name it... they paid for it.

on the one hand... i am very depressed that we lost... especially by the lowest possible amount EVER. but on the other... i am extremely proud that we held our own against a band the basically buys their trophies. we beat them out for best music and best marching... pretty much proving that we were the better band.

i just know if the guard program had been better funded... we would have floored them. spanked them. eaten them alive.

...

the trip was full of the usual band drama... complete with obscenities from the drumline, little adolescent male groupies following me around, and staff fraternization (well... almost). this whole group is just so positively charged and FUN to be around.

well... except for one of them. figures that that downer is my "boss."

she said something to me while we were waiting in the office for the equipment truck to be unloaded that really rubbed me the wrong way. it shouldn't be a big deal... but her expression and her tone and her whole being...

i just wanted to scream at her.

i fell asleep on the 4 hour busride home. duh. and i dreamed. i dreamed about winterguard. it was a great fucking dream. literally. like. probably the closest thing to a wet dream i've had since gradeschool. and i was giddy about it.

so i told her that i had dreamed about guard... and she just looked at me and said "you need to get a life."

........

I need to get a life? ME? this coming from the german spinster of the year?? i mean, heaven forbid i have an interest in something. heaven forbid i get off on being involved with guard. heh.

fuck you, you are the sponsor for god's sake... and if you can't appreciate that i breathe this activity then you need to get the hell out and let someone who would do the job correctly get in there.

she lost my respect on that one. totally. and i hope that in turn she is prepared to completely lose her authority over this program.

BlackCCCC: goodbye lizzie
BlackCCCC: you are a terrible friend
BlackCCCC signed off at 1:23:01 PM.

bump bump bump... another one bites the dust!!

...

*Edit:
i didn't know this post would cause such a stir. i guess even though this page IS mine... i owe you all an explanation.

i posted that IM message because i got it that afternoon out of nowhere. from someone who i haven't talked to or really hung out with (except once) for over 5 years. i posted it to sort of "mark the occasion." i have that kind of sadistic thing going about remembering when someone else makes me feel like a horrid human being. so yeah... i wanted to remind myself that he said that to me and that yet another person has decided to cut me out of their life completely.

for those of you new to the group... this happens to me a lot.

and i know you're thinking now "well maybe you should take note of that pattern and try to change that." and yes... it has been dually noted. but ummn, sorry... i'm not going to live my life letting other people determine what kind of person i am or how quality a friend i am or should be.

i have been reminded by a very special sort of he recently that people build up ideals of each other... and when that ideal is not lived up to... sometimes people can't handle it.

and well this kid that IMed me out of his life... he did that to me. he has some ideal liz in his brain who acts, talks, smells, and lives a certain way. unfortunately... that ideal doesn't line up with the ideal that i have built for myself.

i'm sorry, paul... i'm sorry you have hung onto me for such a long time. i'm sorry i'm not that perfect little girl you remember growing up with. i'm sorry that i won't let you back into my life in the way that you want to be let back in. i'm sorry that you think that i am a terrible friend... but more sorry that you think i am your friend at all.

you played me, paul. you fucked up my entire being back in the day. you twisted me around and you made me feel bad for being who i was and for being WITH who i was. and just because you feel guilty about what you did ALMOST SIX YEARS AGO doesn't mean that i'm going to welcome you back with open arms. i forgive you. i wish you nothing but happiness.

but i hope that your happiness is far, far away from me.

i know this still doesn't clear things up. this story is 22 years too long to delve into. just for those of you who think you know my "character" i've got a list of over a dozen people who would be happy, i'm sure, to clear things up and explain to you what a cold, selfish bitch i am.

and kristina (that is... if i am correct in deducting that you are kristina). i think it's cool for you to come in and defend your brother. but being that we haven't shared a friendship for the same amount of time... you really have no idea either.

think what you want. everyone is a lemming in their own way. and this little lemming isn't going to follow everyone's directions to jump off a cliff or hang myself. the only person's ideal i need to live up to is my own.

and if some of you can't roll with that... then have a nice life.

and it just makes me wonder.

wonder if i always seem to miss the point. miss the magic.
i mean i trust that it is there... maybe i just don't know how to open my eyes to it.

but then again... should i question its presence? should i even consider the fact that i could be making more of this than i should? is there really any magic to experience?

am i too busy pursuing love that i don't notice it trying to grab ahold of my ankles as i run around like a mad woman?

doubtful. i look down at my feet often. i would have noticed the little red hearts shadowing their movements.

i fall drunkenly in love with the possibilities of this relationship i just can't seem to find.
i'd rather have this love affair in my mind
then settle for some make-shift romance that doesn't satisfy.
that is the bottom line.

i try to plant seeds everywhere. i have quite the green thumb.
i just can't seem to get excited over carnations anymore.
i'm waiting to plant a seed and have it bloom into something i've never seen before.
i believe they call it contentment.

i believe
in a lot of things
like bad poetry
and parenting magazines.

to spell it out very bluntly. i want a man to knock (not to be confused with sweep) me off of my feet. leave me speechless. leave me scared. make me vulnerable.

i want to shake. physically and mentally.

i am a force... or at least i try to be. i try to get to people. make them feel things. learn things. and i need that returned. there is no want in that sentence. only a need.

well... a need... and a lot of wonder.

just another reason to dislike my gender...

some of the lamest shit i have ever read.

strategerous walks to the bathroom and other such nonsense.

i had chosen a title for this post last night... buuuuuut i can't seem to remember what it was. kia, please help a brotha out if you can.

sigh. dear, sweet, innocent, young and pure suspectred. my mariB. my tattoo necklace partner. my little vixen. you are a woman now.

no... she did not just get her period for the first time. she has just turned twenty one years old. and already holding her alcy better than half the guys i know.

celebrated at the infamous dollar buds at the fe in college park. the only retards in the place to drop $6 a pop for a round of irish car bombs. what can i say though? she had a red headed slut without me... i had to get her a bomb.

had a most excellent time with my late college gay boyz and the internet diva that is kia. i smell a group trip to velvet coming up in early december. lets mark our calendars now, kiddies... the weekend of the 6th?

i sent the ramen noodle over to a hot guy with a beer in hand to give to him. for those of you out of the loop... that means i sent my friend rommel over to a guy with a beer. yes. i bought a boy a beer.

so he and his friend joined us for a while at our table. and i guess... i guess my balls are just bigger than the guy's (mick? nick? wtf was his name?!)... and so he just sat next to me like a tool and didn't foster any conversation. i mean it is one thing to not be interested, stop by and say thanx for the beer and move on... but it is another thing to come over, plant yourself and then rub it in for over 10 minutes about how lame you are and how i wasted a dollar on you. at least i got a cig out of it. and his blonde friend mike was a cutie. he chatted us up more than lamer. well, lamer... if you can hear me out there in blog land... NEXT TIME either pretend to be interesting or DON'T COME OVER.

in other news... aw. i miss justin. sniffle. ok. i'm better now. my winterguard meeting went hella well... i'm pretty much set on a group of at least 20 kids. and they all seem really excited about making this happen. motivated, suburban, rich kids rock.

btw... sorry to anyone who has been trying to communicate with me via instant messenger lately. my genius brother downloaded some free software and it has completely OWNED!!! my computer. i can't seem to figure out how to get rid of it all. and when i'm at work... well... i'm at work. so i can't really talk much. email ::hint hint:: is a much better option.

monday morning reflections...

first and foremost. 2 bands.

maroon 5 and the early november. don't download them. purchase them. they are that good. they deserve your money.

november is emo yumminess... you know. the harsh lyrics and the lead singer slightly off key that makes you just want to melt. slurp. i suggest getting the "for all of this" ep before you purchase the full cd. everyone knows the eps are always better anyways.

maroon is rock funk wondrousness. lead singer reminds me of justin timberlake only not a tool. very edgy. very talented group. the kind of songs you memorize after the first time through because it got to you so bad.

hence my song of the moment.

---

the new house.

my room now looks like a room (and it's a sweet one at that). the basement has been cleared of the extra washer and dryer, now has the reclining sofa in position and the surround sound has been set up. the living room has now has all of the primary pieces of furniture in place... i even have hangers in my closet.

we moved about 2/5 of my stuff over early saturday morning and i spent some time arranging stuff last night. i really can't wait for this upcoming weekend. i'll get to that later.

---

QO colorguard was quite the experience last friday. the kids were off the hook, it being the last home game and all. while their performance was sloppy... i know they had an awesome time. and i also had a damn fine time cause some pretty cool people came by to say hello. then marib and i celebrated because the staff was being lame at the pub. again. lookin forward to this weekend.

went to PB's homecoming game on saturday after the move... i must admit the chinese food lunch experience was way more fun. their show was a good show... but the guard looked so bored. it made me really sad. i got even more upset when my fears were confirmed that a certain someone made it look like i was the one who didn't make an effort to help the squad out. prick.

anyway. i got in touch with some of my old squad and now possibly have a new rifle tech and a 9:30 club hook up. i miss allen a lot. it'll be a trip to work with him again.

---

party? i don't party.

heh. went to melissa's 16th burfday on saturday night. it was really cute. it's fun to be the only "adult" that's "cool" enough to hang out with the "kids." things became not as cute though, when the guys tried to dance with me and get candid shots of me "busting a move" with the wall.

then i went up to UMBC to hang out with Mike J. pay attention here, this is where things get hard to follow. Mike N. (my brother) and his friend Eddie were also both up at UMBC in preparation for a car show on sunday. so we decided to invite them along. Mike N. however, needed a little convincing to actually come. So Mike J. did the manly man thing and got him there.

i'll tell you... there is nothing that is as cool and scary as crap all at the same time... as partying with your younger sibling for the first time. now. i have hung out with my brother many times... but this was his first real college party outside of the ones i had at my place 2 summers ago.

mindblowing. i hope he had fun. haven't had a chance to talk to him yet.

that's because after he and Eddie bailed, we stayed until they kicked us out. my boys ran the beer pong table and i ran my mouth. i met a lot of people and had a shitload of fun.

i even had my first "lets go upstairs and fuck" attempt. no sugarcoating. no sweet talk. just hey. you're hot. i'm drunk. let's go. needless to say... his batting average was not as high that night as someone else i know. it felt good to shoot such a pretty boy down. not that i take pride in chipping away at the egos of arrogant preppy white boys, no. not at all.

the night was topped off when 2 PB kids from my first year teaching walked in on me playing beer pong. talked to them for a bit. crackheads.

we weren't done though. so we went to the Double T diner and got into one of the most drunkenly heated discussions i have had in a long time. it was riveting.

because our talk had ruined our buzzes... we took shots back at the apartment afterwards and played cards and such until at least 5am. my alarm ruined that dream of a night when it woke me up at 8:45am.

i'm still surprised at my lack of hangover. yay me.

---

so this coming weekend.

it's going to be phat. friday night is marib's burfday celebration at the dubliner in DC. saturday morning the boys help me finish my move (fingers crossed). then to QO by 3 for the last competition. 4 hour bus ride to PA. perform. get home around 3am. sleep in G'burg. heh. maybe. then sunday finish sleeping and head on up to laurel to settle in and celebrate my first night in the house with the pay per view and chili.

paint me excited. my weekends have improved vastly over the last 2 weeks. :)

now to work on the week days too...

it is pronounced "chip-oat-lay," asswhipe.

he explained it to me.

there are people in this world with cool brains. and that makes them cool. you, liz, have a cool brain. and i like you.
then there are people who don't have cool brains.

and that makes them not cool?

no, liz. that just makes them alright. the people who are just alright, they spend most of their time trying to be cool. but the people who have cool brains... they don't care if they look cool. because they just are. you can't elope with a cantaloupe.

he'd be brilliant if he wasn't such a pothead.

...

so dinner. dinner was cool. well, hot. ended up running into another blast from the past while waiting jeff's arrival. so we had a threesome. good convo. good times.

i added a touch of sour cream to my burritto this time to hold it all together... best move i have ever made. i'm never going back.

it was better once she left. jeff felt less pressure to be "brown."

and i was right. picked up right where we had left off. we discussed the institution of marriage. mused about writing poems for significant others. he even came to the conclusion that i was in love with him but would never be with him... thus the tragedy of our existences. yeah. good old jeff brown.

...

after dinner i met up with my dad and my bro at first field. chris day didn't give me the time of day. but paula and i chatted about how things are improving for her and my barista girls. she asked me when i was coming back. when i was going to take over the store. that was fun.

dad, mike and i had a hella good time talking too. no need to go into details. just love. we are the only family i know that will do group hugs and ass grabs in public. and i look watchers straight in the eye and clearly communicate that i know you think we are weird but only because you don't have what we do and that sucks for you so step off, bitch.

came home, took care of my sick mommie and then got into a fight with my brother about his poetry. brought the fight to a new and disturbing level when i asked him if he masturbated. heh. he wouldn't talk to me about it. mental note: must watch to see if he becomes more comfortable with his sexuality. i sure hope so.

then proceeded to fall asleep while reading even cowgirls. which is turning out to be as interesting as promised.

...

last night's experiences happened for a very clear purpose. to remind me of how i want to be and how i want to be with people. to give me a boost into my new city with my new house and my new roomies... to help me start out on the right track.

to remind me that i have very, very special people in my soul circle. i am undeserving. but thankful.

just a little off...

i have a very passionate love/hate relationship with sleep. i will expand upon this later... but the current issue is when you mean to only nap for 10-15 minutes and then end up sleeping the whole night.

i woke up at 6:19AM. fully clothed. with morning/coffee breath.

absofuckinglutely disgusting.

who can drink a quad grande hazelnut whitie at 9pm and tank out at 10:30pm? ME, that's who. damn you caffeine tolerance.

ahywho... i woke up and did that whole "where am i? mommie come save me! i pissed myself..." thing. and now i'm just bitter that i missed all this activity on my computer last night. damn you late night college fools and insomniacs. no one is online or posting during work hours when i'm stuck bored to tears... but when i'm asleep... that's when the underpants gnomes come out to play.

i see. i see how it works karma. this ain't over, whore.

ok. who the HELL forgot to remind me that november was the month that EVERYONE I KNOW was born?

geebus. at least i like... have a social agenda. and i hope you all enjoy your thoughtfully picked out burfday CARDS.

i'm poor, people. next time have a meeting and spread things out. it's no good to just clutter it all together and expect people like me to be PREPARED.

blasts from the past.

something is brewing again. i can feel the juices in my shoes when i walk. i have to steady myself when i stand because i'm afraid the force will knock me over. the dreams are back but i'm too unmotivated in the morning to try and remember them well enough to type them up. the coincidences are getting weirder. the foreshadowing in my mind is seriously blowing up.

i wish i was better tapped into myself sometimes. but i guess it's enough that i know something bigger than me is making a play. and to all you haters who don't believe or have faith in anything...

you can't fool me. i know you're just jealous.

...

tonight i'm going to dinner with the infamous jeffrey thomas simon belefonte ramshackle quimby camillis monamauve brown the third. most people just call him jeff brown.
haven't hung out with this guy since around the time he graduated 2 years ago. ran into him at a bowling alley about a month ago. saw him at a starbux maybe a year ago.

either way. jeff brown represents another world to me. a time in my life when everything was different. that cast members were all a lot more colorful and the majority of them were bisexual women. yep. they had a pool going to see which one of them could make me switch hit first.

this was back in the summer of '99. just graduated from high school. i followed my close friend morgan to the black hole that is starbucks coffee company.

and my life was never the same.

even now... jeff and i talked on the phone last night for maybe 20 minutes... and after we hung up i felt like i could battle the big show and come out on top. that time in my life... i was just starting college... i loved my jobs at the coffee shop and with the band... i had a great group of friends... i was so empowered. i fuckin miss that. hopefully dinner will go right along with my move and maybe this overwhelming feeling that i described above... maybe help rekindle that old liz... the one that they used to call "sunshine."

yeah, can you believe that? my nick name was sunshine.

what the fuck happened to me?

questions?

ok so i'm going to go trendy like everyone else and do the 100 things. but i also want to include an updated survey thing in my bio. and i'm feeling needy and uncreative. so if you have any good, origional questions... either email me or leave them as a comment.

i'm no longer requesting reader feedback. i am demanding it.

DIZZLER I AM TALKING TO YOU.

housekeeping!

::struts in wearing a french maid outfit::

so i moved the other sites i post on down to my blogroll. this way you can tell when i update those too. and since blogrolling hates me... i have to manually ping them.

oh well. i can handle that.

anywho. i need some ideas for subpages and my new layout. like... stuff you all want to know about me, the site, etc. if you don't give me any requests THE SITE WILL CONTINUE TO SUCK.

new home.

i like the place. and as soon as my reality self follows my virtual self and moves to its new home... expect a new fucking layout.

thanx shay. werd life.

ooga.

so we all have issues. things we have to deal with and work through. obstacles to overcome in our worlds and in our minds.

it's funny how sometimes people who i don't consider to be deep thinkers can knock me on my ass sometimes.

just because i like to fancy myself an intuitive and perceptive person does not mean i have all the answers... especially when the questions concern me.

i've put myself inside this bubble. i've lived in this bubble for almost a year now. a bubble that's shiny and pretty and magical in some ways... but when you break it down... it's really just a confining and limiting space.

i've been concentrating on the wrong things. so very aware of how hard it is for me to still be living at home. so very aware of my financial struggles and my dislike for my current employment. so very aware of my disappointment with my relationships concerning the opposite sex.

being aware is one thing. but hiding inside this bubble of poopiness while still presenting a shiny face for everyone else... yeah... it's not healthy... and thank god it is starting to fade.

so screw it. stupid boring bubble. i'm out.

i'm moving out in less than two weeks. i'm getting a new job and getting my crap together to go to grad school. i'm going to get guitar lessons from my new roommate and i am going to play some damn music already.

and i'm going to hang out with my friends again. and like. have a life.

sorry. boring post i know. but it's my page. and if you are one of those people in my life who knows how... sidetracked i can get when it comes to my social life... please smack me upside the head if you don't see me making any progress.

i'd really appreciate the beatings.

psuedo nanowrimo dribble

the puss started oozing out of her left ring finger again.

ironically the burn was the shape of a heart.

...

i know you took that moment to sing that backstreet boys song in your head. don't feel bad. i did too.

...

there is this metal rack that lives on top of the toaster oven. they put things on top of the rack that they are too lazy to wash right away.
like pans.

last week she was separating her english muffins with a clear, plastic fork. they had ran out of regular silverware. then she put the muffins inside of the toaster oven and pressed the "brown enough to be crispy but not hard and burnt" button.

to her left there was the stove. she pulled the screaming kettle off of the burner and added that boiling water to the mint tea bag that was preoccupied contemplating its death inside the bottom of her coffee mug.

...

why do they call them coffee mugs? she rarely drinks coffee out of them.

...

he blows his burps away from his mouth like a careless drag off of a cigarette.

...

right. back to the burn.
she came back from her tea mug and addressed the toaster oven. it burped at her in much of the same way he usually does. so she opened up the front and prepared to pull out her muffins.

however something was amiss. the dirty pans that were staying at the metal rack's place were sick of being dirty. so sick of their nasty, unclean lifestyle that they thought they would take the opportunity to end it all.

they jumped. and aimed right for her wedding ring. well. engagement ring. they weren't quite there yet. but the sentiment was there. the pans were bitter at the girl for being so happy. or rather, they thought she was happy... whether she really was happy or not really doesn't matter because the perception of the pans really is all that matters to the pans.

...

so they jumped. and they wanted to take that ring down with them.

little did she know that the metal rack, through no fault of its own, became an accomplice to the suicidal pans.

you see, when the toaster oven does its thing... the rack can't help but become hot and bothered over such a display of masculinity. the heat generating between its legs caused the entire structure, including the pans, to become skin piercingly hot.

...

she had excellent reflexes. she thought she'd save herself a bit of cleanup if she caught the pans and the rack before they hit counter top and went scattering her breakfast muffins and tea everywhere. so she raised her soon to be wedding ring up and let the pans fall onto the back of her hand.

a week and a bottle of neosporin later... her ring now lived on the middle shelf of the medicine cabinet. and a flesh colored band-aid tried to hide the burnt heart on her ring finger.

round about.

i... i wanna wrap you in rubber.

but not really. i mean... who actually like... desires to put a condom on (for) their lover? surely you jest. from what i hear, it lessons the sensation.

which brings me to york peppermint patties.

best chocolate and mint candy ever. andes mints ain't got shit on the patty.

let us not forget the wint-o-green lifesavor, though. they are a must-see in regards to the land of minty fresh breath.

mouthwash is a very important part of my life.

which reminds me. i need to brush my teeth. i will be making out very shortly. which brings me back to the beginning of this post...

ahem.